South Park (TV Series)
Tsst (2006)
Trey Parker: Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, Mr. Mackey, TV Announcer, Doctor, Cesar Millan, Jimmy Valmer
Photos
Quotes
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Eric Cartman : Suck my asshole, taco bender!
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Eric Cartman : What the hell is this? Skinless chicken, boiled vegetables and salad? This is just like Auschwitz!
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[Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Butters are playing Monopoly at Stan's place when Cartman comes in]
Eric Cartman : [gloomy] Hey guys, I've got some pretty big news.
[sighs]
Eric Cartman : I ran away from home.
[the boys just keep on playing like nothing happened]
Eric Cartman : Yeah, my Mom just doesn't care for me anymore, so I moved out. She didn't even try to stop me. It's gonna be tough living on my own. But I'll get by, somehow.
Stan Marsh : [without looking up from the Monopoly board] You can't stay here.
Eric Cartman : [angrily] Maybe you didn't hear me! I ran away! I don't have anywhere to sleep, I'm out on the streets!
Kyle Broflovski : [also not looking up] You're not staying at my house either.
Eric Cartman : All right, that's fine! Butters, I'll crash with you.
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : No, my parents won't let me bring homeless people home anymore.
Eric Cartman : [angrily] Well, what do you guys expect me to do? Stay at Kenny's house? His family is totally poor, I'm not staying with poor people!
[silence]
Eric Cartman : All right, I'll stay with Kenny, let's go, man.
Kenny McCormick : [muffled and not looking up either] Fuck you.
Eric Cartman : Ha! Well, I guess now we see just how supportive friends can be! When the chips are down, you won't even lend a hand! I'll just go sleep on the streets somewhere, in the cold, probably get mugged and gang-raped by some minorities! You guys will be sorry when I turn up dead!
[leaves]
Leopold 'Butters' Stotch : [moves his pawn] Whoopee! J & R Railroad!
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Mr. Mackey : Mrs. Cartman, we have had it with your son's behaviour, m'kay? Little Billy Turner is now being treated at the hospital!
Liane Cartman : Eric, why would you do such a thing?
Eric Cartman : [insincere] I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to the school flagpole.
Mr. Mackey : You know that's not the point.
Eric Cartman : [rolls eyes] Okay, I'm sorry I handcuffed Billy Turner's ankle to a flagpole and then gave him a hacksaw. And then told him I had poisoned his lunch milk and that the only way he could get to the antidote in time would be to saw through his leg.
Liane Cartman : Eric, that was very naughty.
Eric Cartman : Well, he called me chubby!
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[Nanny Stella puts Eric on a stool]
Nanny Stella : Whenever you are naughty, Eric, you're going to sit on this stool for five minutes.
Eric Cartman : [looks around] And what exactly keeps me on the stool?
Nanny Stella : It's the time-out stool, you can't get down until the time is up.
[pause, then Cartman jumps off the stool]
Eric Cartman : [sarcastic] Wow! How did I do that?
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Eric Cartman : Could I... perhaps have... *two* megarangers?
Liane Cartman : Yes, darling, you can have whatever you want!