Family Guy (TV Series)

Untitled Griffin Family History (2006)

Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Jewish Woman

Quotes 

• Joe Swanson : We've captured the burglars.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, thank God!

  Joe Swanson : Unfortunately, they're pressing sexual harassment charges against your daughter.

  Peter Griffin : Well, that was a close call.

  Joe Swanson : You know, ah, Meg should probably get a lawyer.

  Lois Griffin : [to Peter]  Oh, sweetie, thank you for keeping our spirits up with your stories.

  Joe Swanson : Your daughter is a sexual predator. If you don't do anything, she could go to jail for a long time.

  Peter Griffin : Don't thank me, Lois, thank my ancestors for living lives of greatness.

  Joe Swanson : [to his fellow cops]  Okay, guys, just take her away.

• Peter Griffin : [as the sprinklers in the panic room mostly fill the room with water; Peter, Lois, Chris, Brian and Stewie are up to their necks in it]  The Griffin family history is a rich tapestry. But, since we're all gonna die, there's one more secret I feel I have to share with you: I did not care for The Godfather.

  Lois Griffin : What?

  Peter Griffin : Did not care for The Godfather.

  Chris Griffin : How can you even say that, dad?

  Peter Griffin : Didn't like it.

  Lois Griffin : Peter, it's so good! It's like the perfect movie!

  Peter Griffin : This is what everyone always said. Whenever they say...

  Chris Griffin : Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, I mean, you never see, Robert Duvall!

  Peter Griffin : Fine. Fine. Fine actor, did not like the movie.

  Brian Griffin : Why not?

  Peter Griffin : Did not... couldn't get into it.

  Lois Griffin : Explain yourself. What didn't you like about it?

  Peter Griffin : It insists upon itself, Lois.

  Lois Griffin : What?

  Peter Griffin : It insists upon itself.

  Lois Griffin : What does that even mean?

  Chris Griffin : Because it has a valid point to make, it's insisted!

  Peter Griffin : It takes forever getting in; you spend like six and a half hours... You know, I can't get through, I've never even finished the movie. I've never seen the ending.

  Chris Griffin : [annoyed]  You've never seen the ending?

  Stewie Griffin : How can you say you don't like it if you haven't even given it a chance?

  Lois Griffin : I agree with Stewie. It's not really fair.

  Chris Griffin : It's outrageous.

  Peter Griffin : I have tried on three separate occasions to get through it, and I get to the scene where all the guys are sitting around on the easy chairs.

  Lois Griffin : Yeah, it's a great scene. I love that scene.

  Peter Griffin : I have no idea what they're talking about. It's like they're speaking a different... You know, that's where I lose interest in it.

  Lois Griffin : You know what, Peter...

  Chris Griffin : They're speaking Italian!

  Lois Griffin : The language they're speaking is a language of subtlety; it's something you don't understand.

  Peter Griffin : I love The Money Pit. That is my answer to that statement.

  Lois Griffin : Exactly.

  Peter Griffin : Well, there you go.

  Lois Griffin : Whatever.

  Chris Griffin : I like that movie too.

• Meg Griffin : Dad, I can't go through the vent.

  Peter Griffin : Yeah, she's right. We need to grease her up so she doesn't get stuck. Everybody spit on Meg!

  Meg Griffin : [the family spits on her]  Stop! Stop, you guys! Ah! Stop! Stop! Okay, okay. I meant I can't do it because there are burglars down there.

  Peter Griffin : Come on! They're not gonna touch you. You're covered with spit.

  Lois Griffin : Be careful, Meg.

  Meg Griffin : [Peter pushes her into the vent, followed by sounds of her falling down]  Ahh! Ahh! I hate you all!

  Stewie Griffin : I hate you too, bitch. Oh, no, no, I'm just kidding. Can you imagine?