- [Carter asks about the town's death ray and only gets more confused]
- Marshall Jack Carter: How much time do we have?
- Computer Voice: Weapons will deploy in twenty-three hours.
- Marshall Jack Carter: Finally, a straight answer.
- Zoe Carter: You know, it sometimes sucks when your dad's the town smokie.
- Marshall Jack Carter: Yeah, well, it sometimes sucks when your daugther's the town delinquent.
- [Zoe glares]
- Marshall Jack Carter: Okay, I take it back.
- Zoe Carter: Thank you.
- Marshall Jack Carter: It always sucks.
- Henry Deacon: Irvine Thatcher, Its gotta be Irvine Thatcher. He was this brilliant scientist behind M.A.D.
- Marshall Jack Carter: Uh, Mothers Against Drunk Driving?
- Henry Deacon: Mutually Assured Destruction
- Marshall Jack Carter: Oh! That M.A.D.!
- Marshall Jack Carter: [staging a fake Nobel Prize ceremony] Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1962 !
- Dr. Irvin Thatcher: In order to ensure peace on Earth, I built the deadliest weapon in the universe.
- Marshall Jack Carter: Oh, come ON! If scientists are so smart, how come they don't know anything about PENMANSHIP?
- Dr. Irvin Thatcher: The Question remains, Fusion or Fission.
- Dr. Irvin Thatcher: Fishing? Certainly not, haven't been fishing since I lived on Lake Erie.
- Dr. Irvin Thatcher: You think that's eerie?
- Dr. Irvin Thatcher: How do you explain Quasar Energy Paradox?
- Dr. Irvin Thatcher: Or baldness among musicians?
- Henry Deacon: [to Dr. Irvin Thatcher] This machine of yours, its really something.
- Henry Deacon: It's like a riddle inside an enigma, wrapped in ten inches of titanium alloy.
- Allison Blake: Bad news, good news. We didn't get anything from Thatcher, but Carter wasn't hurt in the process.
- Nathan Stark: Any good news?
- Zoe Carter: Please, don't make me do this. I hate old people!
- Marshall Jack Carter: You don't do this, you won't live to be one.