- [Thurgood is in the hospital]
- County Hospital Doctor: Mr. Stubbs, you had a mild cardiac episode, which we belive was due to prolonged hypertension.
- Thurgood Stubbs: Give it to me in English, Doc.
- County Hospital Doctor: You have very high blood pressure.
- Thurgood Stubbs: [still doesn't understand] Hey look, we didn't all go to DeVry, all right?
- County Hospital Doctor: [rolls his eyes, then talks in condescending voice] Okay... your blood is bad, especially when you get mad! And if you die, you'll be very, very sad. Okay?
- Thurgood Stubbs: Now, was that so hard?
- Thurgood Stubbs: What did you flush down the toilet.
- Haiti Lady: Just cotton balls.
- Thurgood Stubbs: [pulls out Goat's head] This is a Goat's Head!
- Haiti Lady: Cotton Balls was his name.
- [there's a knock on Thurgood's door during a terrible heatwave]
- Thurgood Stubbs: If it ain't the heat, it's the stupidity...
- [opens door]
- Mrs. Avery: [points cane at Thurgood] Super! It's too hot! When you gonna turn down the furnace?
- Thurgood Stubbs: The furnace ain't on, it's the middle of summer, you crazy old bat!
- Mrs. Avery: Then when you gonna fix my calendar?
- Thurgood Stubbs: Now, what the hell you buy a calendar for? You ain't gonna get to finish it!
- [slams door in her face]
- Thurgood Stubbs: Here's your air conditioner Mrs. Avery. All the way from HUD!
- Mrs. Avery: I Don't need it. My Calendar says it's February.
- Thurgood Stubbs: Well, Your calendar says it's 1978.
- Mrs. Avery: Oh good! The Jeffersons is on! Now get that thing outta my sight!