- Drake Parker: [opens the door] Oh, is it Halloween already? Aren't you a scary little witch!
- Mindy Crenshaw: Oh, look at your black eye. Well, I hope it hurts.
- Drake Parker: You shebeast!
- Mindy Crenshaw: Microbrain!
- Drake Parker: Weirdface!
- Mindy Crenshaw: Ignoramus!
- Drake Parker: [pause] What?
- Mindy Crenshaw: EXACTLY!
- Craig: Now that Eric's Mister Popular Pants and has a hot girlfriend, he doesn't give a rat's hat about me.
- Drake Parker: Rat's hat?
- [first lines; in split screens]
- Josh Nichols: Why do people at school always gossip and spread rumors?
- Drake Parker: A couple weeks ago I was bored at school, so I started telling people stuff about Josh.
- Josh Nichols: This story started going around that I eat squirrels.
- Drake Parker: I told everyone Josh was on this new squirrel diet.
- Josh Nichols: And then the rumors got even worse!
- Drake Parker: Then I made up worse stuff.
- Josh Nichols: Somehow, people got the idea that after I eat the squirrels I use their fur to make my own underwear.
- Drake Parker: It was all lies.
- Josh Nichols: Oh, the-the new rumor about me - and I don't get this one at all - i-it said I have an extra toe growin' out of m' belly button.
- Drake Parker: People will believe anything.
- Josh Nichols: For crying out loud, my belly button is toeless! You can ask my swim coach. He's seen it!
- Drake Parker: Rumors are fun.
- Josh Nichols: It's so untrue!
- Eric: I knew my popularity wouldn't last.
- Drake Parker: It's okay. You were never meant to be popular.
- Josh Nichols: [about Eric] Drake, y-you're not mad, are you?
- Drake Parker: No, I'm not mad. Craig didn't mean to him me.
- Craig: I'M Craig!
- Drake Parker: [scoffs, like...] It matters.