Psych (TV Series)
Spellingg Bee (2006)
James Roday Rodriguez: Shawn Spencer
Quotes
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Gus : Shawn, this misplaced malevolence you have for the spelling bee is getting monotonous. Stop hating on the Bee. I'm sorry, ma'am; I do apologize for his inappropriate virulence.
Shawn Spencer : Why are you using all these big ass words all the sudden?
Gus : I'm not doing that. That's preposterous.
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Shawn Spencer : What if I do the talking for both of us?
Juliet O'Hara : Have at it! Do you mind if I read the paper and stare aimlessly out the window while you two talk?
Shawn Spencer : [laughs] No. Can I get a name to work with?
Juliet O'Hara : Juliet.
Shawn Spencer : Well, it's very nice to meet you, Juliet.
Shawn Spencer : [high-pitched voice] It's nice to meet you too, Shawn, and I'm sorry about your seat, so lunch is on me. So what do you do for a living?
Shawn Spencer : [own voice] Oh, I do a little bit of everything.
Shawn Spencer : [high-pitched voice] Oh, that sounds interesting, and maybe a little bit dangerous. Ooh, I like your jacket! I like it a...
Juliet O'Hara : Okay, can I stop you there? First off, in your portrayal of me, I sound like I'm in eighth grade.
Shawn Spencer : Well, in my portrayal of you, you only have an eighth grade education.
Juliet O'Hara : [laughs] Ha.
Shawn Spencer : All right, I'll smarten you up. Uh... college, yeah? Top of your class, graduated early? Got it.
Shawn Spencer : [mature female voice] I'm new to town and I don't know many people.
[Shawn Vision of cat hairs on Juliet's shoe]
Shawn Spencer : [mature female voice] But I do know my cats. Two of them. The gray one's very affectionate. The white one makes me work much, much harder for the attention.
Shawn Spencer : [own voice] And what about your family?
[Shawn Vision of family photo in Juliet's purse]
Shawn Spencer : [mature female voice] My family's amazing. My parents have been together for... what is it, thirty years now?
Juliet O'Hara : [startled] Okay... do we know each other?
Shawn Spencer : Yes. You're the girl who stole my seat.
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Shawn Spencer : Give me a word.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : A word?
Shawn Spencer : Yeah. Something hard, but something you can spell.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : I can spell anything!
Shawn Spencer : Except "aggiornamento".
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Gus : He's been the Spellmaster for 14 years; he's a legend.
Shawn Spencer : Wow, he sits up there all by himself in a fancy box. What is he, the Phantom of the Opera?
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Shawn Spencer : [holding a bag of Chinese food] I need to know what this is.
Henry Spencer : Looks like a number 15 with chicken.
Shawn Spencer : [affectionately] Dad, you made a joke.
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Shawn Spencer : Still studying, huh?
Mother : Oh, she loves it. Won't put that thing down.
Shawn Spencer : Well, kudos on the child rearing. Let me know how the therapy goes.
Mother : Huh?
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Shawn Spencer : [Shawn yells as he hits his leg on a desk]
Gus : Shh!
Shawn Spencer : I'm so sorry if my agonizing pain is inconveniencing you.
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : [on the spelling bee] And it teaches grace under pressure. Poise. Dignity.
Shawn Spencer : All things you can get at a hot dog eating competition, plus... hot dogs.
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : See, the problem is that butyraceous is clearly a round one word.
Shawn Spencer : Oh God, stop talking! I'd like to pretend we still have things in common, Gus.
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[having locked out the real Spellmaster, Shawn is forced to take over his role]
Shawn Spencer : Banana.
Speller 118 : Can you repeat that?
Shawn Spencer : Yes. Ba-NA-na.
Gus : [whispering] "Banana", Shawn? It's the third round.
Shawn Spencer : [whispering] You could have helped me.
Gus : [whispering] This is a dead end, Shawn. We're walking.
[they start to leave the booth]
Speller 118 : Definition, please.
Shawn Spencer : [to himself] What...?
Shawn Spencer : [into the microphone] A yellow fruit. Also, a kind of pudding. A delicious pudding.
Speller 118 : Sentence, please.
Shawn Spencer : [annoyed] Anna Banana would like to hear "Venus" by Bananarama. Banana!
Speller 118 : B-A-N-A-N-A. Banana.
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Gus : Don't eat it!
Shawn Spencer : Do I look like an idiot?
[bags the food]
Gus : What, you're taking some to go?
Shawn Spencer : Yes, for the road. In case later on I get hungry enough to eat something that might be poisoned!
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Shawn Spencer : I know who killed Elvin Cavanaugh.
Karen Vick : Can't he just tell us to arrest someone?
Juliet O'Hara : He does this a lot?
Karen Vick , Carlton Lassiter : Yes!
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : You don't smell that?
Shawn Spencer : I don't smell anything.
Burton 'Gus' Guster : That's because you don't have the Super Smeller!
Shawn Spencer : Gus, you have got to stop calling your nose the "Super Smeller." If you want to nickname a body part, nickname your butt, man! Call it the "Tightbouncer" or the "Hexagon." Ladies are going to dig that, I'm telling you.
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Shawn Spencer : Excuse me, you're in my seat.
Juliet O'Hara : Am I?
Shawn Spencer : Actually, yes, you are.
Juliet O'Hara : Are you one of those weirdo compulsives who come to the same restaurant, sit in the same chair, and eat the same food every day?
Shawn Spencer : Uh, no... no no. I was sitting right there three minutes ago, and then I went outside to get myself a paper. I ordered a juice, and... look, I made a crawling snake with the straw wrapper. You can finish it if you think you're up to the job.
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : For your information, Shawn, I watch the SBC's every year.
Shawn Spencer : Okay, for your sake and mine, stop giving the Spelling Bee hip little nicknames!
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : You're using his grocery list!
Shawn Spencer : You refused to help me. Now I've got to give them something else.
[into the microphone]
Shawn Spencer : Mitchum.
Speller : "Mitchum"?
Shawn Spencer : Yes. When I go to Albertson's, I need to buy some Mitchum Ice Blast... and bananas.
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Gus : Do you know how to spell any of these words?
Shawn Spencer : Proudly, I have never heard of any of these words. I file these words under "Things to say when I want to be ridiculed or kicked out of bed."
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Juliet O'Hara : Okay, Shawn, I'm gonna need you to do me a favor.
Shawn Spencer : Name it.
Juliet O'Hara : Duck!
[pulls gun as other officers enter and arrest a suspect]
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Burton 'Gus' Guster : [on the spelling bee] It's on Sports Cal2, for your information. And it's hosted by Bud Collins.
Shawn Spencer : Really? Did they bump the car washing championships for this? And is it over soon, because I'd like to get back to the wood carving finals.
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Gus : [after Shawn locks the Spellmaster out of the building while he's smoking] You can't do that to him!
Shawn Spencer : Gus, he has to learn some time that smoking is bad for him.
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Shawn Spencer : [to Lassiter] Dude, what is your glitch?
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Shawn Spencer : [about his eighth grade doghouse] It's creepy that you kept this!
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Shawn Spencer : Not to belittle this guy's life, but this just got more interesting than the wood carving contest.
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Shawn Spencer : Kids - high school kids especially, they're just ruthless, judgmental, horrible little bastards.
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Gus : [about the Spelling Bee] I tried to get tickets, but you've got to know somebody.
Shawn Spencer : Somebody lame.
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Shawn Spencer : My visions enslave me. I'm like a slave to my visions.
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Gus : [about the Spelling Bee] This thing has been sold out for weeks!
Shawn Spencer : I can see why. It moves so fast. It's like hockey with words.