- Edith 'Big Edie' Bouvier Beale: I went to Mass up until the time I was 28 years old!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: That's how she got so fat, not getting up on Sunday to go to Mass.
- Edith 'Big Edie' Bouvier Beale: Oh! What a whopper!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: It keeps you very thin!
- Edith 'Big Edie' Bouvier Beale: I'm not going to church to keep thin! I'm going to go because I love the Lord!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: I went back to the Catholic church; I shouldn't even be talking about astrology!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: "... it will be necessary to handle the Scorpion pride with care." Hmm. You see, that's what is so often forgotten: Pride! Nobody takes that into account!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: I never had a split personality. I have a hell of a temper! It's Southern!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: [on Republicans] Who's the party of special interest that always grinds down the little people? Who's the party that doesn't give a damn as long as they make millions to put in their bank? Who's the party that scrounges around to find all the dirt they can and use it against their opponent to destroy the two party system that made America what it is today? Who's the party that delivered a crooked president?
- Edith 'Big Edie' Bouvier Beale: Your face is so ugly! Look at that! A woman's supposed to be pretty!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: I think Mr. Torre thinks that... I think he thinks that we're...
- [whispered]
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: fast. You understand.
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: [chasing after a cat] I can't figure out whether it's Jimmy or Pinky. Has it got one eye or two?
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: For goodness sakes! This is Miss Lois Erdmann Wright. The Psalmist of the Hamptons! The Psalmist of the Hamptons! The PALMist.
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: But you know me. Don't you know me by now?
- Edith 'Big Edie' Bouvier Beale: No, we know how rude you can be at the drop of a hat!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: [On WWII] They always sent the best to fight, instead of the, uh... They should have sent the sick ones and the whole thing would have been over!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: These rubber asphalt shingles are not porous. It's like having a road on top of your roof.
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: Now Lois had not been converted then. She was converted much, much later. All her friends died from alcoholism. And she decided, in self defense, she had to find some new friends. So the only place she could go was the AA and get the ones that were still alive.
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: They say the gypsies are wonderful!
- Lois Wright: I'm not a gypsy.
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: You better tell them that. You should have worn a costume.
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: ...But ever since then, I've had this desire, you know, to find someone that I like. I mean, not just one, but two. Now, I'm not talking about the group travel they do nowadays in the space age. You know, my aunt, she's a widow, and she went with seven other widows. Now, I don't mean that kind of stuff. I mean really to have fun! You know. Not with one, but with two! And I don't mean women either!
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: You think it would look sexier with the bra underneath? I think it would.
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: I think Mr. Torre thinks that... I think he thinks that we're...
- [whispered]
- Edith 'Little Edie' Bouvier Beale: fast. You understand.