- Noodles: [about Newcastle Brown] Hey, don't he talk posh-like for a Geordie? He's almost understandable.
- Reporter: [narrating] But unfortunately for the Scunner Campbell, he had as much luck with female feathered birds as he had with female tartanned ones.
- The Scunner Campbell: [writing his will in a burning house] To my dear little Muscles, I leave my Chas 'n Dave records, in the hope they will enjoy them more than I have.