How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Aldrin Justice (2006)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Marshall Eriksen : I'm not really comfortable with you hunting my constitutional law teacher.

  Barney Stinson : Who would you rather have grading your paper? A savage, man-eating jungle cat, or a purring, satisfied kitty?

  Marshall Eriksen : Go, Barney. Go mount and stuff that cougar.

• [after Marshal infers his professor is tough on her grades because she needs to get laid] 

  Barney Stinson : Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge.

  Marshall Eriksen : I didn't challenge you to have sex with...

  Barney Stinson : Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins.

• [in Barney's hospital room] 

  Professor Lewis : Mr. Eriksen, hello. Oh, I graded your paper tonight. I was

  [looking at the injured Barney] 

  Professor Lewis : pleasantly surprised.

  Barney Stinson : Yeah, she was.

  Professor Lewis : B+.

  Barney Stinson : B+? Marshal, after I've gone through my eight weeks of physiotherapy, I am gonna get you that A.

  Marshall Eriksen : Let her go. She belongs out there. In the wild. You should feel proud. You fought the cougar... and lived.

  Barney Stinson : It was an amazing safari. I can't wait to show you guys the slides.

• Barney Stinson : I can't stop thinking about you. Please give me another chance.

  Professor Lewis : Barney, I teach all day. It's the last thing I wanna do when I get home.

  Barney Stinson : But you don't understand. See, I've been going easy on you. Holding back 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. This time, no mercy. I don't care how long it takes, days, weeks, half a year.

  Professor Lewis : Fine, come in. You can start while I finish grading some papers.

• Barney Stinson : I think I'm falling in love with you.

  Professor Lewis : Oh, God, that wasn't your first time, was it? Although that would explain a lot.

  Barney Stinson : No, we had sex yesterday.

  Professor Lewis : Oh, right, that. Well, you had sex yesterday. I revised my syllabus for the spring semester.

• Barney Stinson : C-? What are you talking about? I pulled an all-nighter.

  Professor Lewis : You didn't budget your time well. You glossed over some of the most important points. And your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive.

• Barney Stinson : [in Italian accent]  Scusi. I am Luigi, Italian exchange student. I was, um, walking to class, but then I notice you, bella principessa.

  Professor Lewis : Tell me what you want and get out.

  Barney Stinson : Direct, I like that. The name's Barney. What I want... is you.

  Professor Lewis : Turn around.

  [after Barney turns around] 

  Professor Lewis : My place, two hours, don't be tardy.

• Barney Stinson : [Examining Marshall's law professor outside her office]  Okay, let's take a look. Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. A prime specimen. See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. Start with the hair. The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles as a form of camouflage. The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar until he's already being dragged, helpless, back to her lair. Now, the blouse.

  [Points to the professor's low-cut top] 

  Barney Stinson : The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible to captivate her prey. You're watching them bounce, she's about to pounce. See the claws?

  [Points to her long nails] 

  Barney Stinson : Long and sharp, to ward off rival females... Or open alimony checks. Yeah, this one's a beaut. Okay, let the hunt begin.

• Marshall Eriksen : My professor's like, the toughest grader I've ever seen. She had like a bad divorce this summer and now she's taking it out on us. To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid.

  Barney Stinson : [perking up]  Really? Laid, you say?

  Marshall Eriksen : You wouldn't be into her. She's, like, in her late 40s.

  Barney Stinson : She hot?

  Marshall Eriksen : Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah.

  Barney Stinson : And she's looking for some action. Sounds to me like she could be a cougar.

  Robin Scherbatsky : A what?

  Barney Stinson : A cougar. An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, single and on the prowl for a younger man.

  Ted Mosby : What's a woman in her 60s or 70s? A turtle?