How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Swarley (2006)

Jason Segel: Marshall Eriksen

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted Mosby : [about Chloe]  So, she's needy crazy. That's one of the worst kinds.

  Barney Stinson : I've had one of those. Makes up stories to get attention. Went out with her for three weeks, her dad died twice.

  Marshall Eriksen : Guys, she was really freaked out, okay? Maybe the story is true.

  Barney Stinson : What in the world would make you believe that's a true story?

  Marshall Eriksen : She's really hot.

• Ted Mosby : So I guess that decides it.

  Marshall Eriksen : Yep.

  Barney Stinson : Hanging out at a coffee place: not nearly as much fun as hanging out at a bar.

  Ted Mosby : [Looks at Marshall's cup]  Hey, what's that?

  Marshall Eriksen : What?

  Ted Mosby : That cute coffee girl wrote a heart by your name!

  [in a sing-song voice] 

  Ted Mosby : Somebody has a crush on you!

  Barney Stinson : [In a sing-song voice as well]  Somebody thinks you're me!

  Marshall Eriksen : Well, what if the heart doesn't mean anything? What if she writes them on all the cups?

  Ted Mosby : Mine says "Ted", no heart.

  Barney Stinson : Mine says... "Swarley"... How'd they get "Swarley" from "Barney"? It's not even a name. Who would ever be called "Swarley"?...

  [sees Marshall and Ted smile] 

  Barney Stinson : Oh, please don't start calling me "Swarley"... This would never happen at a bar!

  [leaves the coffee shop angerly] 

  Ted Mosby : Man! What's up with Swarley?

  Marshall Eriksen : I know. You almost never see old Swarlz get that upset.

• Barney Stinson : [about the girl Marshall's going on a date with]  She's got the... 'Crazy Eyes'.

  Ted Mosby : Dude... the eyes... they're CRAZY.

  Marshall Eriksen : What are you guys talking about; the 'Crazy Eyes'?

  Barney Stinson : It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.

  Ted Mosby : Nope, just pupils.

  Barney Stinson : It's an indicator of future mental instability

  Marshall Eriksen : She does not have the crazy eyes.

  Ted Mosby : You just can't see it because you're afflicted with "haven't been laid in a while" blindness.

• Ted Mosby : [Commenting on Marshall's Pumpkin Latte joke]  Alright, there's only two reasons she'd laugh at that: one, it's the first joke she's ever heard, or two, she likes you! You should totally ask her out!

  Marshall Eriksen : [Unsure]  You think?

  Ted Mosby : Yeah! That's why you're not back with Lily, right? So you can experience what it's like to be single.