How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Atlantic City (2006)

Jason Segel: Marshall Eriksen

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Quotes 

• Narrator : [about the game Shing Hasabu Shing]  Now, I had been to a lot of casinos before that night, and I've been to a lot of casinos since, but in all that time I've never seen a game quite like this one. To this day, I have no idea how it was played. But luckily, Barney did.

  Lily Aldrin : Do you understand what's happening?

  Ted Mosby : Not a clue.

  Robin Scherbatsky : Do you think he's winning?

  Ted Mosby : I don't even know if he's playing.

  Marshall Eriksen : Wait, I get it. I understand this game.

  Ted Mosby : No, you don't.

  Marshall Eriksen : I totally understand the game, Theodore. Barney, split your tiles. You can triple your money if you find the jellybean.

  Barney Stinson : Marshall, please. Don't you think I know what I'm... My God, you're right.

• Marshall Eriksen : I don't get it. Hundreds of people get married in Atlantic City all the time.

  Registrar : Yes, but not to elope. They come for the white, sandy beaches, world-class amenities and Riviera-like ambience.

  Lily Aldrin : Are you kidding me? Have you been outside?

  Ted Mosby : There is half a rotting orca whale not ten feet from our room.

• Marshall Eriksen : [after having sex on the kitchen]  That was a creative use of pancake syrup.

  Lily Aldrin : I can't even look Mrs. Butterworth in the eye.

• Barney Stinson : All right, let's talk bachelor party. Are we thinking full-on strip club, or should we rent a room and have a private toy show?

  Ted Mosby : What did you just say?

  Marshall Eriksen : Barney, no.

  Barney Stinson : Marshall, I'm your best man.

  Marshall Eriksen : You're not my best man.

  Ted Mosby : Right here.

  Barney Stinson : And as your best man, I have to throw you a bachelor party. That's part of being a best friend.

  Marshall Eriksen : You're not my best friend.

  Ted Mosby : Right here.

• Marshall Eriksen : Hi, we need a marriage license but we need to skip the waiting period because we're in love.

  Receptionist : Aaww... I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now!

  Lily Aldrin : Really?

  Receptionist : Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period but unfortunately only a judge can do that.

  Lily Aldrin : Oh, so can we see a judge?

  Receptionist : Absolutely!

  Lily Aldrin : Really?

  Receptionist : Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't.

  Marshall Eriksen : [Clenched teeth]  Why are you doing this to us?

  Receptionist : Because you're on CANDID CAMERA!

  Robin Scherbatsky : Really?

  Receptionist : Is what I would say...

  Marshall Eriksen : [Interrupting]  You know what? We get it.

• Narrator : When they called off their first wedding, Aunt Lily took off for San Francisco leaving Uncle Marshall with the unfortunate task of telling his entire family.

  Marshall Eriksen : [Flashback, Marshall's]  Yeah, so now she's gone and the wedding's off. What do you call someone who just takes off and leaves like that? What do you call that? I think that that's a little strong. I can't even believe you would use a word like that. Geez, Grandma.