- Narrator: [about the game Shing Hasabu Shing] Now, I had been to a lot of casinos before that night, and I've been to a lot of casinos since, but in all that time I've never seen a game quite like this one. To this day, I have no idea how it was played. But luckily, Barney did.
- Lily Aldrin: Do you understand what's happening?
- Ted Mosby: Not a clue.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Do you think he's winning?
- Ted Mosby: I don't even know if he's playing.
- Marshall Eriksen: Wait, I get it. I understand this game.
- Ted Mosby: No, you don't.
- Marshall Eriksen: I totally understand the game, Theodore. Barney, split your tiles. You can triple your money if you find the jellybean.
- Barney Stinson: Marshall, please. Don't you think I know what I'm... My God, you're right.
- Lily Aldrin: That's a very cute dress.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Oh, thank you.
- Lily Aldrin: It has to come off. I'm getting married. You can't look better than the bride.
- Marshall Eriksen: I don't get it. Hundreds of people get married in Atlantic City all the time.
- Registrar: Yes, but not to elope. They come for the white, sandy beaches, world-class amenities and Riviera-like ambience.
- Lily Aldrin: Are you kidding me? Have you been outside?
- Ted Mosby: There is half a rotting orca whale not ten feet from our room.
- Marshall Eriksen: [after having sex on the kitchen] That was a creative use of pancake syrup.
- Lily Aldrin: I can't even look Mrs. Butterworth in the eye.
- Registrar: You are aware that this is not Las Vegas.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Tell me about it. In Vegas casinos pump in oxygen. Here, most guests bring their own.
- Barney Stinson: All right, let's talk bachelor party. Are we thinking full-on strip club, or should we rent a room and have a private toy show?
- Ted Mosby: What did you just say?
- Marshall Eriksen: Barney, no.
- Barney Stinson: Marshall, I'm your best man.
- Marshall Eriksen: You're not my best man.
- Ted Mosby: Right here.
- Barney Stinson: And as your best man, I have to throw you a bachelor party. That's part of being a best friend.
- Marshall Eriksen: You're not my best friend.
- Ted Mosby: Right here.
- Barney Stinson: [after Barney reveals to the judge that Marshall and Lily broke up over the summer] What? We're under oath.
- Ted Mosby: No, we're not.
- Barney Stinson: Yeah, we are. He's a judge.
- Ted Mosby: Wh - Did we take an oath? Do you even know what an oath is?
- Barney Stinson: Uh, yeah. Courthouse. Oath. We're under it.
- Marshall Eriksen: Hi, we need a marriage license but we need to skip the waiting period because we're in love.
- Receptionist: Aaww... I'm gonna waive this waiting period right now!
- Lily Aldrin: Really?
- Receptionist: Is what I would say if I could waive the waiting period but unfortunately only a judge can do that.
- Lily Aldrin: Oh, so can we see a judge?
- Receptionist: Absolutely!
- Lily Aldrin: Really?
- Receptionist: Is what I would say if there was any chance of you seeing a judge today, which there isn't.
- Marshall Eriksen: [Clenched teeth] Why are you doing this to us?
- Receptionist: Because you're on CANDID CAMERA!
- Robin Scherbatsky: Really?
- Receptionist: Is what I would say...
- Marshall Eriksen: [Interrupting] You know what? We get it.
- Narrator: When they called off their first wedding, Aunt Lily took off for San Francisco leaving Uncle Marshall with the unfortunate task of telling his entire family.
- Marshall Eriksen: [Flashback, Marshall's] Yeah, so now she's gone and the wedding's off. What do you call someone who just takes off and leaves like that? What do you call that? I think that that's a little strong. I can't even believe you would use a word like that. Geez, Grandma.
- Barney Stinson: Uh, if there were any shame in a dude getting a pedicure I don't think there would have been a feature about it in Details magazine.