How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Slap Bet (2006)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Robin Scherbatsky : My friend from Canada had to do her vows twice, once in French.

  Barney : They speak French there too? God, that country's messed up.

• Barney : [Watching the Robin Sparkles "Let's Go to the Mall" video]  Did you have to laugh like that every time?

  Robin Scherbatsky : [Flatly]  Yes.

• Barney : [after being slapped in the face by Marshall]  Ow. Your hand is monstrous.

  Marshall : Well, what did you expect, you've seen my penis.

• Barney : Your tomb stone will read "Lily Aldrin: Caring wife, Loving friend and Slap Bet Commissioner."

  Marshall : And on Barney's grave, it'll read: "Got slapped so hard by Marshall, he died."

• Barney : There is no way Robin is married.

  Ted Mosby : Thank you, Barney.

  Barney : ...cause it's porn.

• [Barney is complaining about having to watch all the Canadian porn he can find in order to prove Robin has a past in pornography, therefore winning the slap bet] 

  Lily : Oh, like you need an excuse to watch porn.

  Barney : *Canadian* porn! Trust me when I tell you that their universal health care system doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to sit through one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'll go *oot* of my mind.

• Barney : Do you want to know what Robin's secret is?

  Ted Mosby : You know?

  Barney : Of course I know. She couldn't look at us, her face got flushed- that's shame, my friend. Our friend Robin used to do PORN, wait for it...

  Barney : ...OGRAPHY!

  Ted Mosby : Yeah, we didn't really need to wait for that.

• Ted Mosby : Wha... I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls?

  Barney : Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal "Ohhh..." moment.

  Marshall : The "Ohhh..." moment?

  Barney : Yeah. That moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal-breaker.

  [Flashback to Barney with different girls] 

  Girl #1 : It's a promise ring. I made a pact with God to stay a virgin till I'm married.

  Barney : Ohhhh...

  Girl #2 : I don't have an eating disorder, it's just when I put food in my mouth, I chew it and then I spit it out!

  Barney : Ohhhh...

  Girl #3 : I just turned 30.

  Barney : Ohhhhhh...

  Barney : [Back to present]  So trust me, you want to postpone knowing anything about each other for as long as possible

  Ted Mosby : Hmm... I disagree. If there's some potential "Ohhh..." moment, I wanna know about it right away. I mean, what's the alternative?

  [Flash to Robin and Ted at the altar] 

  Reverend Rob : I now pronounce you man and wife.

  Ted Mosby : I love you.

  Robin Scherbatsky : I used to be a dude.

  Ted Mosby : Ohhhhhh...

• Lily : [after Ted tells the gang that Robin was married in Canada]  Yeah, well, you still shouldn't have told us. I mean, what kind of boyfriend are you?

  Ted Mosby : See, that's just it. I'm not the boyfriend, I'm the mistress. No, not the mistress. The mastress. Master. What do you call it?

  Barney : I'm pretty sure we're gonna call is mistress.

• Barney : I can think of tons of things there's no way Marshall told you

  Lily : Try me.

  Barney : Do you know about the time the Marshall was in Trenton?

  Lily : Doggie ate his pants. Yep.

  Barney : Bill's bachelor party in Memphis.

  Lily : Oh, when they had to pump out all the nickels from his stomach?

  Barney : Wow. Okay. Seattle.

  Lily : Trick question, Marshall's never been to the Pacific Northwest because he's afraid of Sasquatch.

  Barney : Damn.

  Marshall : I'm not afraid of Sasquatch. I just think we should all be on alert.