How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Slap Bet (2006)

Alyson Hannigan: Lily Aldrin

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lily : You know, he could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down.

  Ted Mosby : Hey!

  Lily : What? The walls are thin.

  Ted Mosby : That's not what I'm 'hey'-ing you about!

• [Barney is complaining about having to watch all the Canadian porn he can find in order to prove Robin has a past in pornography, therefore winning the slap bet] 

  Lily : Oh, like you need an excuse to watch porn.

  Barney : *Canadian* porn! Trust me when I tell you that their universal health care system doesn't cover breast implants. If I have to sit through one more flat-chested Nova Scotian riding a Mountie on the back of a Zamboni, I'll go *oot* of my mind.

• Ted Mosby : What am I gonna do? My girlfriend's married. Do I ask her to get a divorce?

  Lily : Ted, even if she is married, it's a Canadian marriage. It's like their money or their army. Nobody takes it seriously.

• Lily : [after Ted tells the gang that Robin was married in Canada]  Yeah, well, you still shouldn't have told us. I mean, what kind of boyfriend are you?

  Ted Mosby : See, that's just it. I'm not the boyfriend, I'm the mistress. No, not the mistress. The mastress. Master. What do you call it?

  Barney : I'm pretty sure we're gonna call is mistress.

• Barney : I can think of tons of things there's no way Marshall told you

  Lily : Try me.

  Barney : Do you know about the time the Marshall was in Trenton?

  Lily : Doggie ate his pants. Yep.

  Barney : Bill's bachelor party in Memphis.

  Lily : Oh, when they had to pump out all the nickels from his stomach?

  Barney : Wow. Okay. Seattle.

  Lily : Trick question, Marshall's never been to the Pacific Northwest because he's afraid of Sasquatch.

  Barney : Damn.

  Marshall : I'm not afraid of Sasquatch. I just think we should all be on alert.