How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Slap Bet (2006)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted Mosby : That wasn't a real secret!

  Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah, but it could've been!

  Ted Mosby : You are driving me crazy! No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong!

  Robin Scherbatsky : [deadly serious]  He moved there for business!

• Lily : You know, he could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down.

  Ted Mosby : Hey!

  Lily : What? The walls are thin.

  Ted Mosby : That's not what I'm 'hey'-ing you about!

• Barney : There is no way Robin is married.

  Ted Mosby : Thank you, Barney.

  Barney : ...cause it's porn.

• Barney : Do you want to know what Robin's secret is?

  Ted Mosby : You know?

  Barney : Of course I know. She couldn't look at us, her face got flushed- that's shame, my friend. Our friend Robin used to do PORN, wait for it...

  Barney : ...OGRAPHY!

  Ted Mosby : Yeah, we didn't really need to wait for that.

• Ted Mosby : So what's the deal with you and malls?

  Robin Scherbatsky : I thought you said if I don't want to talk about it I don't have to...

  Ted Mosby : Yeah with *those* people. C'mon I'm your boyfriend! What is it? Did you get arrested in a mall?

  Robin Scherbatsky : No.

  Ted Mosby : Dumped in a mall?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Ted...

  Ted Mosby : Found out you were Canadian at a mall?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Let it go.

  Ted Mosby : Trapped under a fake boulder at the mall?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Let it go.

  Ted Mosby : Mauled at the mall?

• Ted Mosby : What am I gonna do? My girlfriend's married. Do I ask her to get a divorce?

  Lily : Ted, even if she is married, it's a Canadian marriage. It's like their money or their army. Nobody takes it seriously.

• Ted Mosby : Wha... I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls?

  Barney : Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal "Ohhh..." moment.

  Marshall : The "Ohhh..." moment?

  Barney : Yeah. That moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal-breaker.

  [Flashback to Barney with different girls] 

  Girl #1 : It's a promise ring. I made a pact with God to stay a virgin till I'm married.

  Barney : Ohhhh...

  Girl #2 : I don't have an eating disorder, it's just when I put food in my mouth, I chew it and then I spit it out!

  Barney : Ohhhh...

  Girl #3 : I just turned 30.

  Barney : Ohhhhhh...

  Barney : [Back to present]  So trust me, you want to postpone knowing anything about each other for as long as possible

  Ted Mosby : Hmm... I disagree. If there's some potential "Ohhh..." moment, I wanna know about it right away. I mean, what's the alternative?

  [Flash to Robin and Ted at the altar] 

  Reverend Rob : I now pronounce you man and wife.

  Ted Mosby : I love you.

  Robin Scherbatsky : I used to be a dude.

  Ted Mosby : Ohhhhhh...

• Lily : [after Ted tells the gang that Robin was married in Canada]  Yeah, well, you still shouldn't have told us. I mean, what kind of boyfriend are you?

  Ted Mosby : See, that's just it. I'm not the boyfriend, I'm the mistress. No, not the mistress. The mastress. Master. What do you call it?

  Barney : I'm pretty sure we're gonna call is mistress.

• Ted Mosby : You're afraid of the seven dwarfs?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Just Doc. He's creepy. I mean, he's got a medical degree. Why is he hanging around a bunch of coal miners?