- [as Drake and Josh are "arrested," Megan begins to cry]
- Audrey Parker-Nichols: Oh, sweetie... are you crying?
- Megan Parker: [wipes her eyes] I've just never been this happy.
- Josh Nichols: Man, we can't get into the Reptile Room. You have to be over twenty-one.
- Drake Parker: [presenting a card] You ARE, Mr. Yakatori.
- Josh Nichols: What's this?
- Drake Parker: Fake I.D. Here, check mine out.
- Josh Nichols: "Jefferson Steelflex?"
- Drake Parker: Yeah, made it up myself.
- Josh Nichols: Oh, REALLY? So, you're suggesting we use fake I.D.s to get into a nightclub posing as... Jefferson Steelflex and Alvin Yakatori.
- Drake Parker: Yeah, pretty much.
- Josh Nichols: It's illegal to use fake I.D.s.
- Drake Parker: Yeah, well, it's illegal to rob banks, but people do it.
- Drake Parker: Yes, people who are bankrobbers!
- Walter Nichols: [smugly while wearing a dress] You boys need to learn how to act like men.
- [Drake, Josh and Office Dobbins glare at Walter in a questionable way]
- Walter Nichols: It's for a prom.
- Officer Dobbins: Yes, ma'am.
- Walter Nichols: Sir!
- Audrey Parker-Nichols: [reading Drake's fake I.D] Jefferson Steelflex?
- Walter Nichols: [reading Josh's fake I.D] Alvin Yakatori?
- Drake Parker: [meekly] They could be names.
- Walter Nichols: Yeah, on planet Crazytron!
- Walter Nichols: Buh-believe me, they're gonna be grounded for a long time.
- Audrey Parker-Nichols: What good does that do? They've been grounded a hundred times.
- Officer Dobbins: Well, if you really wanna make an impression on 'em, our department DOES have a Steered Straight program.
- Audrey Parker-Nichols: What's that?
- Officer Dobbins: We come in, we hand cuff 'em, show 'em what it's like to get arrested.
- Officer Becker: It's a very effective program. Teaches kids what can happen if they break the law.