How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

How Lily Stole Christmas (2006)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lily Aldrin : [Flashback to Lily and Ted in college, very stoned]  When I was a kid, all I wanted was an Easy Bake Oven. I begged and I begged, but all I got was a stupid Lego set because my feminist mom didn't want me conforming to traditional gender roles.

  Ted : Easy Bake Oven - that's what I'm going to call my van.

• Ted : [On Marshall's answering machine]  Hey, Marshall. Still moping on the couch about Lily? Forget about her. You need to get over that Grinch.

  Older Ted : [Flashback]  But I didn't say Grinch. I said a bad word. I said a very, very bad word...

  Ted : Oh, fudge.

  Older Ted : [Flashback]  But I didn't say fudge.

• Robin : At least you apologized, right?

  Ted : Of course I apologized. "I'm sorry" were the first two words out of that mouth.

  Ted : [Flashback]  I'm sorry, but I'm not apologizing.

• Marshall Eriksen : [During his break-up with Lily]  Yeah. No, you're right. Lily would laugh at anything.

  Barney : She'd give it up for a bad pun. I'm telling you, she's a laugh slut.

  Ted : Remember that time we heard her laughing and we thought she was watching Weekend At Bernie's, but it turned out she was watching Weekend At Bernie's *2*?

  Barney : And her art? "I'm Lily, I'm an artist." She doesn't even own a beret.

• Barney : [after Ted calls Lily a "Grinch"]  Ted Vivian Mosby!

  Ted : That's not my middle name.

  Barney : Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?

  Ted : Like you've never said that word.

  Barney : I don't kiss your mother with my mouth. Yet.

• Robin : You're spending Christmas Eve with your family? Baby, that sucks. I'm so sorry.

  Ted : Uh, they're fine. They're just... they're a little weird. You know they don't believe in gifts or Christmas trees. And they think Santa's how Satan spells his name when he wants to trick us.

• Ted : She took the decorations? That Grinch!

  Older Ted : [Flashback]  That time I really did say Grinch.

• Virginia Mosby : [On the phone]  Ted Evelyn Mosby!

  Ted : Oh. Uh, hey, Mom. Merry Christmas.

  Virginia Mosby : I just got the most disturbing call from Lily. How could you use such a horrible word?

  Ted : Oh, God, she called you?

  Virginia Mosby : Are you acting out because of the divorce? Is-is this all about Clint?

  Ted : No, Mom, why would it be about Clint?

  Clint : [Comes on the line]  Hey, buddy, it's Clint. How you doing, champ?

  Ted : Hey, Clint. Listen, um, I don't really have time to...

  Clint : Hey, hey, no, no, no. Ted, Ted. You don't know this yet, but you and I are going to be great friends. Now, the Native Americans have this ritual...

  [Ted hangs up] 

• Lily Aldrin : [At Lily's apartment]  Some friend, you called me a Grinch.

  Ted : You were a Grinch!

  Lily Aldrin : How can you...

  Ted : Grinchy, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch, Grinch.

  [the lights go out] 

  Lily Aldrin : Happy? Now, you've pissed off the big guy upstairs.

  Ted : Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I...

  Man upstairs : [Yelling downstairs]  You use that language again and I'll turn off your water!

  Lily Aldrin : That's my super. He lives above me. Great. Thanks to your filthy mouth, now I'm going to have Christmas alone in the dark.

• Ted : [At his cousin's]  Okay, don't tell your mom, but I got you guys some presents.

  Boy : Like the gift of God's love?

  Ted : No, dude, real presents.

  Boy : [Excited]  Uncle Ted got us presents!

  Stacy : That's okay, Ted, we'll just give them to charity.

  Charity : Yay!

  Stacy : Uh, not you, Charity. I meant the less fortunate.

• Lily Aldrin : [about why she's mad at Ted]  Do you know what I would do if one of my kindergarteners used language like that? I would be on the phone with their parents!

  Ted : I'm not a kindergartener.

  Lily Aldrin : Exactly! You know what that word means! You know that calling people names is mean and hurtful... assface!

• Ted : I promise I will never call you a... you know, ever again.

  Lily Aldrin : It's okay. I was kind of a Grinch!

  Boy : What's a Grinch?

  Lily Aldrin : Umm... it's a word you shouldn't say!

  Boy : Mom, what's a Grinch?

  [Stacy spits out her drink in horror] 

  Kids : [Chanting]  Grinch! Grinch! Grinch!

  Ted : Uhh, Merry Christmas!

  [Running out with his friends] 

  Ted : Let's get out of here!

• Ted : Do you have a cold?

  Barney : I'm fine! My nose was just overflowing with awesome and I had to get some of it out.

• Ted : Decorations, is that really what Christmas is about?

  Marshall Eriksen : Hell, yeah! What else would it be about?

  Ted : Uh, try the birth of Christ. You know, Christmas - Christ Mas, which means "More Christ" to our Spanish friends.