- Lily Aldrin: [holds a mirror in front of Ted's face] This is the face of Consumerism!
- Marshall Eriksen: Oh my God, Ted's part of the play.
- Barney: Lily, I love you. But asking someone to come see your play is like asking for a ride to the airport, or to crash on someone's couch or to help you move. Call a cab, book a room, hire some movers and repeat after me, friends don't let friends come see their crappy play!
- Actor: I am Rage.
- Actress: I am Greed.
- Lily Aldrin: I am Rage!... uh, Envy.
- Barney Stinson: And I am outta here.
- Marshall Eriksen: Oh, baby, that was wonderful!
- Ted Mosby: I had no idea Greed was the killer!
- Robin Scherbatsky: And when it became a play within the play, I was, like, now we are really cookin'!
- Barney Stinson: [while hugging Lily] Wow, Lily, it sucked!
- Marshall Eriksen: Barney...
- Barney Stinson: What? It was terrible. Oh, come on, you guys agree, right? Hey, sorry, I'm just being honest, 'cause, you know, we're friends.
- Lily Aldrin: No, friends make each other feel good! They... they build each other up and support them. That's what being a good friend is about.
- Barney Stinson: Yeah, if you're a smurf.
- Lily Aldrin: You get rid of your iguana when it poops in your hair, but you don't get rid of your dog.
- Marshall Eriksen: I miss Jebeddiah.
- Marshall Eriksen: Which would you rather make out with? Classic mermaid, top half human, bottom half fish; or inverted mermaid, top half fish, bottom half human?
- Barney Stinson: That depends. Is she fat?
- Marshall Eriksen: Yes, but she's half fish, so it's the good kind of fat.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Finds lotion that used to belong to one of Ted's exes] Do you still have feelings for her?
- Ted Mosby: [Sarcastically] Yeah. I'm madly in love with her, and the only way I can deal with it is by holding on to a three dollar tube of lotion!
- Barney: Mosit
- Lily: [freaks out and twitches]
- Barney: Moist... mosit... moist
- [while Lily keeps twitching]
- Ted: [Narrating to his kids in the future] And that was only the first 40 mins of Uncle Barney's show
- Ted: And after that we had to endure
- Barney: [Spraying Lily with water with a small squirt gun from stage]
- Barney: [Squirt guns empties] I'm out, I have to go and refill. Please don't go, the shows not over.
- Marshall: [Disappointed] I am never chosen for audience participation.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Oh, my God. You've been robbed.
- Ted Mosby: Nope. Just got rid of all my old girlfriend stuff.
- Robin Scherbatsky: All that stuff was from your exes? Didn't you buy any stuff of your own?
- Ted Mosby: What can I say? Papi got swag.
- Older Ted: New York is famous for its theater, but there are different levels. There's Broadway; off-Broadway; off-off-Broadway; homeless people screaming in the park; and below that, the play your Aunt Lily was in.
- Barney Stinson: I have to side with Robin on this one. Your apartment is so over cluttered. What, do you live in a Bennigan's?
- Robin Scherbatsky: Yeah, or a Denby's?
- [Others look confused]
- Robin Scherbatsky: You don't have Denby's? Where do you get your grizzly ice-cream cones?
- Ted Mosby: Just let it go.