Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

I Merely Slept with a Commie (2007)

Jon Cryer: Alan Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : Maybe if she realized how people see her, she might make an effort to change.

  Charlie Harper : If she realized how people see her, she'd just get new people.

  Charlie Harper : [two weeks later, at their mother's house, after they had hurt her feelings, they walk in and discover two men and a boy doting on her]  Son-of-a-bitch! She got new people!

• Alan Harper : [voice comes from upstairs, as Charlie opens the front door to find Evelyn dressed in black, holding a scythe]  Who's at the door?

  Charlie Harper : It's Death!

  Alan Harper : Hi, Mom!

• Alan Harper : [Charlie is trying to leave, to avoid taking his mother out to dinner]  There's an option to running away from her.

  Charlie Harper : Yeah, but we'd get caught, and you'd sell me out for a reduced sentence.

• Peggy : [while shopping for their mother's birthday gift, the sales clerk asks]  Have you considered a nice perfume? Do you know her scent?

  Alan Harper : Oh. Actually, I don't.

  Charlie Harper : I do.

  Alan Harper : You do?

  Charlie Harper : Yep. Do you carry Chanel #666?

• Alan Harper : You'll go to Mom's funeral, won't you?

  Charlie Harper : Of course! As the eldest son, it's my obligation to pound in the stake.

  Alan Harper : Typical! Nothing for Alan to do.

  Charlie Harper : [pretending to be irritated]  Okaaay. You can cut off her head and hold it up for the villagers.

  Alan Harper : Thank you!