- Barney Stinson: [inching along at about 1 mph] This isn't right... God never meant for us to travel at such breakneck speeds.
- Ted Mosby: Relax, you're doing great. Ignore the old lady on the Rascal; this isn't a race.
- Barney Stinson: *Guh* Dude! A dog!
- Ted Mosby: Zitch-dog! Yes! One-Nothing.
- Barney Stinson: Crap! Whaddo I do? Tell me what to do, Ted.
- Ted Mosby: Step on the brake... Some time in the next twenty minutes...
- Barney Stinson: Which... Which one's the brake again?
- Ted Mosby: The left one.
- Barney Stinson: Left. Left. Oh man, left. I'm totally blanking!
- Ted Mosby: Just make the "L's" with your hands.
- Barney Stinson: Ooooh! We're not gonna make it!
- [Radio turns on]
- Barney Stinson: Wah!
- Ted Mosby: Why did you just turn on the radio?
- Barney Stinson: I DON'T KNOW WHY I TURNED ON THE RADIO! We're gonna die, tell me what to do Ted!
- Ted Mosby: Relax, you're being crazy!
- Barney Stinson: Help me Ted!
- Ted Mosby: Stop, drop, and roll.
- Barney Stinson: Be serious! Stop, drop and roll? Just tell me what to do. Just tell me what to do!
- Ted Mosby: Throw me the idol, I'll throw you the whip. Screaming is fun! Screaming is fuuuuuuun!
- [Both scream]
- Barney Stinson: Uh! I cant move. I can't... I can't feel my... Uh... We're okay...
- Ted Mosby: We're okay.
- Barney Stinson: It's a MIRACLE, Ted!
- Ted Mosby: [Marshall asks Ted if he can give him a ride from Ohio to college] First of all, my parents live in Ohio. I live in the moment.
- Lily Aldrin: So you made a life changing decision to not change your life at all.
- Barney Stinson: True story.
- Marvin Eriksen Jr.: Okay, the Fiero is yours
- [Marshall makes a grab for the keys]
- Marcus Eriksen: ...If you pass the final test
- Marshall Eriksen: Come on! I've already shaved my legs and swallowed five dollars in quarters - only 4.50 has come out...
- Drive Thru Attendant: Just go to the Wiener Burger drive-through and get us 12 cups of coffee.
- Marshall Eriksen: That's it?
- Marcus Eriksen: Oh yeah. But we get to decide what you wear.
- Marshall Eriksen: Agreed! Totally agreed!
- Drive Thru Attendant: [Marshall pulls up to the drive-through window] You're naked.
- Marshall Eriksen: I'm aware of that.
- Ted Mosby: [Narrating the story of his and Marshall's road trip] Then Marshall; who was so busy cheating at Zitch-dog got us totally lost.
- Marshall Eriksen: Where the hell are we?
- Marshall Eriksen: [Narrating] Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. I think you skipped something.
- Barney Stinson: Really? Seems impossible
- Ted Mosby: [Back to the road trip] Hey, we got some time. What dpoyou say we get off the highway; take the road less traveled... ya know? Robert Frost.
- Marshall Eriksen: Doesn't seem like a smart idea.
- Ted Mosby: Too late, I'm taking this exit... who's not fun enough now Karen.
- Marshall Eriksen: [Narrating] *Then* we got lost.
- Barney Stinson: How's the Fiero?
- Marshall Eriksen: She's still in triage.
- Ted Mosby: Wait a minute, she? I thought it was your little boy.
- Lily Aldrin: It goes back and forth. It's like a trannie car.
- Ted Mosby: That trip is when Marshall and I became best friends.
- Barney Stinson: With privileges, from the sound of it.
- Robin Scherbatsky: Sounds like you had quite an accident.
- Ted Mosby: Actually, two accidents, if you count...
- Barney Stinson: Homina, homina, homina!
- Marshall Eriksen: Arrivederci, Fiero. You were the freakin' Giving Tree of cars.
- Lily Aldrin: May you rust in peace.
- Barney Stinson: Rot in Hell, devil steed.
- Lily Aldrin: [after spilling food in the car] Marshall's going to kill me! This and the difference between "affect" and "effect" are the only two things he's serious about.
- Marshall Eriksen: Hey, light up those cigars in the glove compartment
- [Ted opens the glove compartment]
- Marshall Eriksen: They're real Cubans. I got them in Chinatown last year just for this moment.
- Ted Mosby: Marshall, I'm not saying you were definitely ripped off but these are chopsticks wrapped in napkins.
- Ted Mosby: Remember the 100K fiasco?
- Marshall Eriksen: Ah, the Fiero-asco.
- Ted Mosby: Dude, I told you that doesn't work; it's the 100K fiasco.
- Ted Mosby: [after Marshall asks Ted if he wants a ride home with him] Karen and I haven't seen each other since Thanksgiving and we're both really invested in making this long distance thing work.
- Marshall Eriksen: Well, call me if you change your mind; my odometer is going to hit 100K.
- Ted Mosby: Nah, she'd be so bummed if I left early.
- Ted Mosby: [Later, in the Fiero] It was totally mutual. I mean, Karen brought it up first, but I... it was totally mutual.
- Marshall Eriksen: I hear ya.
- Ted Mosby: Yeah, you wanna play zitch-dog?
- Marshall Eriksen: What?
- Ted Mosby: It's a car game. Every time you see a dog, you gotta be the first one to say "Zitch-dog!" I'm pretty good so...
- Marshall Eriksen: Zitch-dog
- Ted Mosby: Ah... no, I didn't know we had started. But... okay, that's cool you got the first point.