- Supergran: [being interviewed by the London Chimes] Well, I was born a... yes, well, a good few years ago now.
- The Scunner Campbell: You can say that again.
- Supergran: And I was raised in the picturesque village of Glenn Whiskey. Almost entirely on porridge, haggis and Kenneth McClellan records.
- [spins herself round on table]
- Noodles: You sure you know how to write, boss?
- The Scunner Campbell: Course! Any idiot can write. If you can write a note to the milkman, you can write anything. And the only reason to write a book is to get me on the telly.
- Cecil Smarm: Now, over to you, Campbell children. And your first question is: Where are the Andes?
- The Scunner Campbell: Well, the, eh...
- [coughs]
- Noodles: On the end of your armies?
- Cecil Smarm: Wrong, I'm afraid, Desdemona.
- [a bucket of sludge is emptied on 'Desdemona's head]
- Cecil Smarm: Quiet, you vermin viewer. How dare you interrupt me. Me, the master of syruppy charm?
- Petunia Preston: Oi, don't you talk to me like that, you bryl-creamed big-headed bragger!
- Cecil Smarm: You don't realise what it is being a megastar, signing all those autographs, eating big free lunches...
- Supergran: Oh, it must be a hard life, Mr. Smarm.
- Supergran: Oh it is, Supergran, it is!
- [breaks down and cries]