Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008)

Craig Robinson: Delaney

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Zack and Delaney are having a conversation] 

  Customer : Hi, can I have a coffee? Black?

  Delaney : Can't you see we talking, White?

• Zack Brown : I've known her since the first grade, you don't fuck someone you met in the first grade.

  Delaney : Excuse me, I met my wife in kindergarten, we got married senior year, and she's been the queen of my world ever since.

  Zack Brown : But what if you could do it all over again?

  Delaney : I would jerk off and live by myself. That woman is the bane of my existence.

• Zack Brown : Dude, with your cut of the profits, you're gonna get two flat screens. OK? You'll have one in your living room. You'll have one in your bathroom!

  Delaney : One in the bathroom? You know, it's always been my dream to watch shit while I shit.

  Zack Brown : Everyone with an ass loves to watch shit while they shit! I'm gonna make that happen for you, man.

• Delaney : What? Han Solo ain't never had no sex with Princess Leia in the Star War!

• Delaney : Her name Bubbles.

• Delaney : [after Zack leaving the set]  Can you believe this shit?

  Deacon : [after Stacy accidentally shits all over his face]  Can you believe THIS shit? That chick frosted me like I was a fucking cake!

• Zack Brown : This is just the beginning, guys. If Star Whores works and *it will*, we are set up for sequels galore. The Empire Strikes Ass.

  Miriam Linky : Return of the Brown Eye.

  Deacon : The Phantom Man Ass.

  Delaney : And Revenge of the Shit: The All Anal Final Chapter.

  [awkward silence] 

  Zack Brown : ...okay.

  Delaney : Revenge of the Shit, you got it?

  Miriam Linky : No, yeah we got it.

  Stacey : Ew.

  Delaney : [under his breath]  Fuck you, mothafuckas.

• Delaney : Sometimes, we just need someone to show us something we can't see for ourselves.

• Delaney : [to Mr. Surya]  You Ben Kingsley looking motherfucker

• Zack : You, my friend, are the lead role of Lubed Guy-Baller.

  Delaney : Man, he's gonna be balling dudes? I thought you said this was boys on girls.

  Lester : If I have to fuck a guy, okay, but I'd rather fuck a girl.

  Delaney : What's wrong with you, boy?

• Delaney : I love the movies.

• Delaney : I just wanted to see some free titties, that's all. But there's no such thing as free titties, is there, Zack? Is there?

• Delaney : I like that guy, but if he tries to fuck that little dog tonight for real, I'm calling Humane Society.

• Delaney : [while seeing Bubbles and Barry shoot their scene]  I'm disturbed at how turned on I am by this.