- Nick: So what happened to you last night? You were supposed to be my date-bait and you bailed.
- Steven 'Flash' Gordon: Something came up.
- Nick: Yeah, like a Dale-emma.
- Joely Lavant: Okay, this is weird. Four people at the Excalibur Lanes just reported being attacked by an alien. Think we should check it out?
- Dale Arden: What is this, Alien Homecoming Week? You know this is gonna turn out to be a hoax.
- Joely Lavant: Well yeah, but it'd be a great tease. People love their aliens almost as much as they love their celebrities.
- Dale Arden: If only we could get E.T. on tape with Lindsay Lohan, then we'd be set.
- Dale Arden: So you know about Earth?
- Rankol: There are few corners of the galaxy that we do not know about.
- Joely Lavant: I know how men think.
- Joe Wylee: And how's that?
- Joely Lavant: Uh, like men. You're all cheaters so you automatically assume that women are too.
- Joe Wylee: All men are not cheaters.
- Joely Lavant: Oh, I'm aware that all of you don't actually do it but, in your minds, you all cheat.
- Rankol: Did you know that the human eye has no nerve endings in it? It's true. I find it fascinating that something that is so perfect, so vital, so exquisite in design could so completely lack feeling.
- Steven 'Flash' Gordon: Yeah, it really keeps me up at night too.
- Rankol: Not so, however. The tendons behind the eye, those are some of the most sensitive in the entire human body.
- [Aura claims to be an abbot]
- Dale Arden: If she's an abbot then I'm Costello. Did you see her nails? The girl hasn't done a day's work in her life!
- Aura: I'm here for the Imex, there's nothing else on this planet worth having... except for one thing and I'll have him soon enough.
- Dale Arden: Flash? Keep dreaming! He wouldn't touch you if you were the last woman in the universe.
- Aura: Don't be so sure. I always get what I want.