The Office (TV Series)

Money (2007)

Rainn Wilson: Dwight Schrute

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Dwight moans in stairwell] 

  Jim Halpert : Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?

  [Dwight mumbles] 

  Jim Halpert : Yeah, I didn't think I had. Well, it was all about Pam.

  Dwight Schrute : [mumbling]  Beesley?

  Jim Halpert : Yeah. I mean, she was with Roy, and I just couldn't take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't concentrate on anything. And weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.

  [Jim sighs and returns to the office. He seems determined about something] 

  Pam Beesley : Hey, I was thinking about dinner, we...

  Jim Halpert : [Kisses Pam passionately, cutting her off]  Dinner. Let's see, maybe we should try the new Italian place where the dry cleaner used to be.

  Pam Beesley : [a bit shocked, smiling]  Okay.

  Jim Halpert : Yeah?

  Pam Beesley : Yeah.

  Jim Halpert : Okay.

  Pam Beesley : [in confessional, smiling]  Jim's just really passionate about Italian food.

  Jim Halpert : [smiling]  Yeah. I'm very passionate about Italian food. In fact, I'm in love with Italian food.

• Dwight Schrute : Now then, do you have any special needs or dietary restrictions?

  Jim Halpert : Yes. We will be requiring a bedtime story.

  Dwight Schrute : No.

  Jim Halpert : Not even "Harry Potter"?

  Dwight Schrute : No, Jim, come on.

• Jim Halpert : I just realized that this is Pam's and my first night away together. I used to play it over in my head, and it was just a little bit different. Maybe a nice hotel, or a romantic dinner, wine, but wine that wasn't made out of beets. Didn't think Dwight would be involved at all. And I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure, just less.

  Dwight Schrute : This is beet food. Mose, what are you doing? No, Mose. Put the manure down. Put it down! Do not throw it! Do not... Ow!

• Dwight Schrute : And as of this morning, we are completely wireless here at Schrute Farms, but as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we'll get all that power back on.

• Dwight Schrute : [answering phone]  Dunder Mifflin. Dwight Schrute. Please hold.

  [he transfers the phone, and begins looking around in a file on his desk, then resumes his conversation] 

  Dwight Schrute : Schrute Farms, Guten Tag! How can I help you? Yes, we have availability on those nights. How many in your party? Oh, no. I'm sorry. No king beds. No queen either. Well, we make our own mattresses that don't conform to the traditional sizes.

  [Jim, who has been staring confusedly at Dwight this whole time, hangs up his own phone] 

  Dwight Schrute : Closest would be twin. Thank you so much for calling. Call back again. Auf Wiedersehen.

  [hangs up] 

  Jim Halpert : Hey, Dwight.

  Dwight Schrute : None of your business, Jim.

  Jim Halpert : You running a bed and breakfast?

  Dwight Schrute : It is not a B&B.

  Dwight Schrute : [later, to the camera]  Agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfast. It consists of tourists coming to a farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them breakfast.

  Jim Halpert : Does the Department of Health know about this?

  Dwight Schrute : I am not telling you anything.

  [to the camera] 

  Dwight Schrute : Permits are pending.

  [his phone rings] 

  Dwight Schrute : Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin.

  Pam Beesly : Hello. I'm looking for a room.

  Dwight Schrute : Okay. This is a misuse of company phones.

  Pam Beesly : It says here you cater to the elderly.

  Dwight Schrute : Where did you read that?

  Pam Beesly : Trip Advisor.

  Dwight Schrute : [to camera]  Trip Advisor is the lifeblood of the agrotourism industry. A couple of bad reviews there, you may as well close up shop. That's what took down the Stalk Inn, one of the cutest little asparagus farms you'll ever see.

• Jim Halpert : Dwight, how's the hotel business?

  Dwight Schrute : Stupid.

  Jim Halpert : Have you checked Trip Advisor recently?

  Dwight Schrute : No.

  Jim Halpert : Maybe you should.

  Dwight Schrute : Maybe you should... Whatever.

  [talking head] 

  Pam Beesly : We wrote a good review. Under "Comments," we wrote, "The natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedrooms and makes you dream of simpler times."

  Jim Halpert : "The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings."

  Pam Beesly : "Table-making never seemed so possible."

  Jim Halpert : "You will never want to leave your room."

  Pam Beesly : "The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beet farm."

• Dwight Schrute : Come in. Did you have another nightmare?

  Jim Halpert : Hey, Dwight.

  Dwight Schrute : Oh, Jim. I thought you were Mose.

  Jim Halpert : Does Mose have nightmares?

  Dwight Schrute : [ominously]  Oh, yes. Ever since the storm.

• Dwight Schrute : My girlfriend and I broke up recently, and I must say I am relieved. It gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition where, when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his doorstep by his parents. You can use those oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don't care. They're your oats.

• Dwight Schrute : We have three rooms, each with a different theme.

  Pam Beesly : What are the themes?

  Dwight Schrute : America, Irrigation and Nighttime.

• [deleted scene] 

  Dwight Schrute : State your business!

  Andy Bernard : I am dying of love sickness and horny sickness.

  Dwight Schrute : That isn't possible, unless you mean gonorrhea.

  Andy Bernard : I'm talking about Angela, okay? Did you hear what she was saying to Pam the other day?

  Dwight Schrute : Yes, I did, except I don't think she means it. Angela is in a great deal of pain because of the death of her cat and she is in a kind of grieving process and it makes her say things. So, best you just lay off.

  Andy Bernard : No can do. I am itching all over with Angela-pox.

  Jim Halpert : Oh, my God. You do have gonorrhea.

• Dwight Schrute : Is everything satisfactory with your stay?

  Jim Halpert : Yeah.

  Dwight Schrute : All right.

  Jim Halpert : I just thought I heard crying or moaning or something in here.

  Dwight Schrute : Oh, well, I'll look into that in the morning. Thank you for bringing that to the attention of the staff.

  Jim Halpert : Good night, Dwight.