- Shawn: What in the name of Kevin Spacey's self-made Christmas Eve video message to try to get back on "House of Cards" is going on here?
- Chidi Anagonye: What was that sound?
- Tahani Al-Jamil: Uh... a unicorn died.
- Chidi Anagonye: What?
- Tahani Al-Jamil: No! I mean, not a unicorn. Uh, my mistake. Just a... a regular horse that someone stabbed in the head.
- Eleanor Shellstrop: Babe, we need these humans to stay happy and occupied, all right? So just pump 'em full of champagne and those tiny little sandwiches, and keep 'em dazzled.
- Tahani Al-Jamil: Of course, though I'd never serve finger sandwiches at a lake house. I mean, what am I? Welsh?
- Eleanor Shellstrop: [frowns] Are you? I don't know. No, right?
- Shawn: I say we torture Good Janet right here, right now, live on stage. Rufus, go get the Good Janet.
- [crowd cheers and applauds]
- Jason Mendoza: [whispering] This part of your plan seems risky.
- Michael: [whispering] This was not part of my plan.
- Jason Mendoza: [whispering] Oh, thank God. I thought you had a bad plan.
- Janet: Thanks for rescuing me. I missed you so much.
- Jason Mendoza: I missed you too. Bad Janet was so mean to me. Like, she said the Jags cut Blake Bortles. Can you believe that?
- Janet: Oh, no... Jason, that wasn't a lie. Blake Bortles was cut by the Jaguars.
- Jason Mendoza: What? Why? How? Who's their QB now?
- Janet: A man named Nick Foles.
- Jason Mendoza: Nick Foles? Are you kidding me?
- [gleefully]
- Jason Mendoza: He won a Super Bowl! We're going to be unstoppable! FOLES!
- Janet: FOLES!
- Michael: FOLES!
- [pause]
- Janet: Oh, no. Nick Foles just broke his clavicle.
- Jason Mendoza: Nooooooooooooooo!