- Gael: Gael.
- Ted Mosby: I'm sorry. Gayle?
- Gael: Gael.
- Barney Stinson: Kyle?
- Gael: Gael.
- Marshall Eriksen: ...Girl?
- Robin Scherbatsky: It's pronounced Guy-el.
- Ted Mosby: [Ted is unaware that he has a butterfly tattoo on his lower back] As you can see, I do just fine on my own. I don't need a baby-sitter.
- Barney Stinson: See. All this time, I thought you need a wingman to fly, but the truth is you... you've got your own wings now.
- Ted Mosby: Hmm.
- Barney Stinson: Since you and Robin split, you've been gestating. Growing in your cocoon. And last night... you burst out of that cocoon... , like a majestic, uh... gosh, what is it that comes out of a cocoon? I was always bad at science.
- Lily Aldrin: [to Marshall] He's gonna say it.
- Ted Mosby: A butterfly?
- [Everyone laughs]
- Ted Mosby: What?
- Barney Stinson: Nothing, buddy.
- [Barney hits Ted's tattoo]
- Ted Mosby: Ow! Why did that hurt so...? Oh my God!
- [Looks in mirror]
- Ted Mosby: I have a tattoo!
- Barney Stinson: Oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.
- Amy: Who's the suit?
- Ted Mosby: Hum. This is Barney. Barney, Amy.
- Barney Stinson: I'm not gonna remember that. Now, if you'll excuse me, Random Chick From Earlier Tonight, as you shall henceforth be known. Ted and I have a schedule to keep.
- Amy: Oh, well. You can check out off 08:54, dress up like a dork and bother the cool kids. Beat it, nerd.
- Barney Stinson: Wow. Wow. Great stuff, Tommy Lee. See what you don't understand is, I'm Ted wingman. It's a sacred bond, much stronger that any... They're making out again!
- Lily Aldrin: [about Robin and Gael] I mean, she isn't serious about him. The girl never marries the hot guy.
- Marshall Eriksen: Well, you did.
- Lily Aldrin: [pause] I'm one of the lucky few.
- Marshall Eriksen: Gael, are you properly licensed massage therapist?
- Gael: What?
- Marshall Eriksen: Are you legally certified by some type of governing entity?
- Gael: I train for three years at an institute in Buenos Aires. I have a card. I can show you.
- Marshall Eriksen: Is the card laminated?
- Gael: What do you mean "laminated"?
- Marshall Eriksen: Covered in protective plastic.
- Gael: Oh, yes.
- Marshall Eriksen: Damn it!
- [to Lily]
- Marshall Eriksen: He checks out...
- Ted Mosby: Now, here's the thing. It sucks that you came back from Argentina with someone as awesome as Gael. And I know I have no right to be upset at you. We're broken up, life goes on, whatever. But you know what ? We-we never did this. We-we had this polite breakup with no irrational yelling and that's just wrong.
- [Rises voice]
- Ted Mosby: So I'm gonna yell irrationally for a while and you're just gonna have to stand there and deal with it, okay?
- Robin Scherbatsky: If you feel like you need to do that, then...
- Ted Mosby: [Yells] I think I do! I really think I do! So now, I'm yelling!
- Robin Scherbatsky: You shaved.
- Robin Scherbatsky: [Yells] I did.
- Robin Scherbatsky: I like the beard.
- Ted Mosby: [Still yelling] I liked it too, but it was getting kind of hot. Maybe in the winter, I'll grow it back out!
- [Normal voice]
- Ted Mosby: Okay, I'm done.
- Amy: Sorry I used to nanny for those jerks before they fired me... So unfair!
- Barney Stinson: Unfair? I would not let you take care of the imaginary kids I make up to score with single moms!
- Barney Stinson: Not possible. You cannot have sex on a windsurfing board.
- Lily Aldrin: How do you know?
- Barney Stinson: Glad you asked Lily. I have crafted a list of every vehicle land-based, aquatic and airborne in which/on which it's possible to have sex. And of those 33 vehicles, I have had sex in/on 31. Windsurfing board, not on the list, not possible. Oh, P.S., in order to hit 33, all I need is bobsled and the Apollo 11 space capsule.
- Lily Aldrin: To get that last one, you'd have to break into the Smithsonian.
- Barney Stinson: This conversation never happened.
- Barney Stinson: [First lines, continued from the end of last season] ... Dary ! Legendary ! Dude, I am so excited that you're single again. We're going to conquer New York City. I already have a girl from work lined up for you. Right boob bigger than the left boob, which some choose to look at as bra half empty. I choose to look at as bra half full.
- Barney Stinson: [Barney is trying to get Ted to go out after his break-up with Robin] Ted Mosby, suit up, 'cause here's the plan. There's a Miss Nassau County pageant. We'll pretend to be judges and, yes, our votes are for sale.
- Ted Mosby: I'm not ready.
- Barney Stinson: [Again] Finish line of a woman 10K. Salty girls on an endorphin high who just want to lie down. Yeah!
- Ted Mosby: I'm not ready.
- Barney Stinson: [And again] Female acrobats from Montreal. Super flexible. We're going to get "Cirque de So-Laid". What up?
- Ted Mosby: Barney, come on, we've covered this.
- Barney Stinson: We're on a tight schedule. I've got the entire evening perfectly planned out... Spoiler alert: Our last stop is an after hours club so after hours, it's three days from now. What up?
- Barney Stinson: [to Ted] Tonight, we're going to get you someone way hotter than Robin. Okay, Robin's a ten. Fine, we'll get you a 12. Or, you know... two sixes. Failing that, four threes. And, break glass in case of emergency, we'll go to Staten Island, I'll get you 12 ones.
- Narrator: The night was going great. Amy was cool and dangerous. She found a friend for Barney. She even paid for drinks. Sort of.
- [Amy steals a bottle and runs away]
- Barney Stinson: They know us here. You're gonna get us in trouble.
- Amy: Tell me something: do you ask your tailor to leave extra room in the crotch for your huge vagina?