John Putch: Bob Morton

Quotes 

• Dwayne F. Schneider : OK, what's on your mind?

  Bob Morton : Well, uh, I heard you were an expert on, uh... women.

  Dwayne F. Schneider : [he laughs]  An expert? Let me put it this way. If they cut down all the trees they would need to make all the paper they would need to write all that I know about women, Oregon would be bald.

  Bob Morton : [he seems perplexed at first, then laughs]  Heh, that's funny. Mr Schneider, when you were my age, did you know much about sex?

  Dwayne F. Schneider : When I was your age, Oregon's timberline was already receding.

• Ann Romano : Bob, you took Sex Education, didn't you?

  Bob Morton : Well, sure. They tried to tell us everything. It's not like in Chemistry class. You don't get a chance to experiment.

• Ann Romano : [Bob is sharing his frustration with his feelings for Barbara]  Look, Bob, I'm no expert on girls, God knows, I'm certainly not an expert on boys. Haven't you talked to your father about this?

  Bob Morton : Last year. He referred me to my scoutmaster. All I learned from him was never to spit into the wind.