Pat Harrington Jr.: Dwayne F. Schneider

Quotes 

• Dwayne F. Schneider : OK, what's on your mind?

  Bob Morton : Well, uh, I heard you were an expert on, uh... women.

  Dwayne F. Schneider : [he laughs]  An expert? Let me put it this way. If they cut down all the trees they would need to make all the paper they would need to write all that I know about women, Oregon would be bald.

  Bob Morton : [he seems perplexed at first, then laughs]  Heh, that's funny. Mr Schneider, when you were my age, did you know much about sex?

  Dwayne F. Schneider : When I was your age, Oregon's timberline was already receding.

• Dwayne F. Schneider : You have to know that you have 'macho'. For example, I first knew it when my babysitter refused to accept payment.