- Dwayne F. Schneider: OK, what's on your mind?
- Bob Morton: Well, uh, I heard you were an expert on, uh... women.
- Dwayne F. Schneider: [he laughs] An expert? Let me put it this way. If they cut down all the trees they would need to make all the paper they would need to write all that I know about women, Oregon would be bald.
- Bob Morton: [he seems perplexed at first, then laughs] Heh, that's funny. Mr Schneider, when you were my age, did you know much about sex?
- Dwayne F. Schneider: When I was your age, Oregon's timberline was already receding.
- Dwayne F. Schneider: You have to know that you have 'macho'. For example, I first knew it when my babysitter refused to accept payment.
- Ann Romano: Bob, you took Sex Education, didn't you?
- Bob Morton: Well, sure. They tried to tell us everything. It's not like in Chemistry class. You don't get a chance to experiment.
- Ann Romano: [Bob is sharing his frustration with his feelings for Barbara] Look, Bob, I'm no expert on girls, God knows, I'm certainly not an expert on boys. Haven't you talked to your father about this?
- Bob Morton: Last year. He referred me to my scoutmaster. All I learned from him was never to spit into the wind.