How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
How I Met Everyone Else (2007)
Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson
Photos
Quotes
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Barney Stinson : Think of me as Yoda. Only instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro. I'm Broda.
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Blah Blah : Robin, how did you and Barney meet?
Robin Scherbatsky : No.
[laughs]
Robin Scherbatsky : No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, Barney and I are not together. No. No.
Barney : Really? Sixteen no's? Really?
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Barney : There's no way she's above the line on the 'hot/crazy' scale.
Ted : She's not even on the 'hot/crazy' scale; she's just hot.
Robin Scherbatsky : Wait, 'hot/crazy' scale?
Barney : Let me illustrate!
[draws diagram]
Barney : A girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she is equally hot. Thus, if she's *this* crazy, she has to be *this* hot. You want the girl to be above this line. Also known as the 'Vickie Mendoza Diagonal'. This girl I dated. She played jump rope with that line. She'd shave her head, then lose 10 pounds. She'd stab me with a fork, then get a boob job.
[pauses]
Barney : I should give her a call.
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Barney Stinson : Ted, I'm going to teach you how to live.
Barney Stinson : Barney, we met at the urinal.
Ted Mosby : [Flashback] Hi.
Barney Stinson : Lesson one: lose the goatee. It doesn't go with your suit.
Ted Mosby : I'm not wearing a suit.
Barney Stinson : Lesson two: get a suit. Suits are cool. Exhibit A.
[gestures at himself]
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Barney Stinson : Let's see how Blah Blah's doing on the hot/crazy scale. She started the night here, but as the night progressed, she has gotten crazier, but she hasn't gotten any hotter, and she has drifted past the Vicky Mendoza diagonal and getting dangerously close to the Shelly Galezby area. Another girl I dated. She gained twenty pounds and tried to kill me with a brick.
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Lily Aldrin : Marshall, remember how I told you how I made out with someone at the freshman orientation party?
Marshall Eriksen : Yeah, Too-much-tongue guy.
Ted Mosby : And remember that I told you that at the freshman orientation party, I made out with a girl?
Marshall Eriksen : Yeah, unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl.
Ted Mosby : Well, I'm too-much-tongue guy.
Lily Aldrin : And I'm unreasonably-small-mouth-opening girl.
Barney Stinson : Worst superheroes ever.
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Barney Stinson : Isn't this fun, reminiscing about how everyone met me?
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Barney Stinson : [Flashback of the first time Ted and Barney met] Tonight's the first time I'm taking my deaf brother out since our mom died.
Ted Mosby : Oh, I'm sorry about that.
Barney Stinson : No, it's OK. I have to take care of him now. Of course, I have had to put my dreams on hold in order to do it, but I'm happy to.
[Starts crying]
Barney Stinson : He's my brother and I love him. I'm sorry, it's all still so fresh.
Ted Mosby : Oh man, I'm really sorry.
Barney Stinson : Wow, you bought that?
Ted Mosby : What?
Barney Stinson : I just made that up mid-pee. It worked on you, it's definitely gonna work on that blonde chick at the end of the bar.
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Barney : Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green I wear suits and I'm awesome. I'm your bro-I'm Broda!
