Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room (2007)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlie Harper : I don't pay you to mock me.

  Berta : Charlie, you'd have to pay me not to.

• Alan Harper : [arguing with Charlie over a bowl he wants to put in the living room; he asks Charlie's date her opinion. She thinks it looks fine]  See? Two against one!

  Charlie Harper : There's no voting! You're just a free-loader and she's just some one-night-stand I picked up in a ba... oh, damn.

• Jake Harper : [minutes after hearing glass break]  I heard something break.

  Charlie Harper : And you're just coming out now?

  Jake Harper : I was establishing my alibi.

• Charlie Harper : What do you want from me, Alan? I took you in! I took your kid in! All I ask is that you don't fill up my home with your junk!

  Alan Harper : It's not junk! It's an inlaid mosaic dish, handcrafted on the island of Macau!

  Charlie Harper : Yeah, well...

  [Grabs the bowl and throws it into the fire place where it shatters] 

  Charlie Harper : Now it's *rubble* from the island of Macau!

• Alan Harper : Before we got here, this was just a big empty space, where you sat around, got drunk and had casual sex with women you don't even care about. There was no love, no family and no meaning!

  Charlie Harper : There's a word for that Alan: "Utopia"!