- Stewie Griffin: This part always speaks to me.
- [Watching Opera in his room]
- Stewie Griffin: I can't stand to hear Italians talk.
- [Sniffles]
- Stewie Griffin: But man get them singing.
- Stewie Griffin: All I'm doing is presenting you honestly to the public. Just like I did to the witches in Salem.
- Accused Witch: Who but a witch would not give up her virtue to a man who brought her a luncheon of salt pork and boiled sweets?
- Stewie Griffin: But Your Honor, I tried to give up my virtue. I begged him to take me then and there.
- Stewie Griffin: Yeah, okay, okay, n-nobody believes that tall tale. And he would have none of it.
- Accused Witch: I offered him posterior intimacy.
- Stewie Griffin: Okay, let's just... E-everyone calm down. The court reporter will still his quill.
- Accused Witch: On hands and knees I begged him. He said he had an early appointment.
- Stewie Griffin: Witch! Witch! Press her between stones!
- Principal Shepherd: [Over Public Address System] Attention, Griffins. Could Peter Griffin please report to the backyard?
- Peter Griffin: Shut up.
- Principal Shepherd: Peter, I'm looking at your aptitude assessment. Uh, we think you would be more comfortable eating in the special breakfast unit.
- Peter Griffin: It sounds like chaos in there.
- Principal Shepherd: Don't worry, Miss Judy will take care of you. She doesn't have her teaching degree, but she is abnormally strong.
- Peter Griffin: Why can't I just eat with my family?
- Principal Shepherd: We're trying to get you ready to eat with your family.
- Peter Griffin: Hey, you must be Miss Judy. Ow, that's my wrist! That's my wrist, Miss Judy! Ow!
- Peter Griffin: Attention, Griffins. Someone drew a penis on my car. Peter, I'm looking at you. Couldn't have been me.
- Peter Griffin: I don't even know what penises look like 'cause I'm not gay. Never even seen one.
- Principal Shepherd: You don't have a penis?
- Peter Griffin: I do, I just don't look at it 'cause I'm not gay. Now, if it was a vagina, I'd say you have your man. Seen a ton of those.
- Chris Griffin: Whoa, whoa, whoa, three? Deets, Dad.