How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

The Chain of Screaming (2008)

Josh Radnor: Ted Mosby

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : That's why there's a little thing in corporate America I like to call the chain of screaming

  Marshall Eriksen : The chain of screaming?

  Barney Stinson : Yes. The chain of screaming starts at the top. Arthur's boss's boss screams at Arthur's boss. Arthur's boss screams at Arthur. Arthur screams at you. You go home and scream at Lily. Lily screams at one of the kids in her kindergarten class. Then that kid screams at her dad: Arthur's boss's boss. And the whole thing starts all over again; thus completing the circle of screaming

  Ted Mosby : I thought you said it was a chain of screaming?

  Barney Stinson : It's a circle, Ted. I called it a circle.

  Marshall Eriksen : I don't scream at Lily

  Lily Aldrin : And I don't scream at my kids. None of whom have parents that work at Marshall's firm.

  Robin Scherbatsky : So it's not a circle

  Barney Stinson : [Angry]  Fine! You want it to be a chain of screaming? A chain of screaming. I come up with the circle idea halfway through because I thought it was a more elegant metaphor, but fine, RUIN it. You guys always undermine me when I'm trying to make a point and I'm sick of it. Argh! I'm surrounded by idiots. IDIOTS.

  [Normal] 

  Barney Stinson : See, doesn't everyone feel better now?

• Ted Mosby : Come on. When's the last time you got screamed-at at work?

  Barney Stinson : I got screamed-at three times today. Once in Korean. This is corporate America, Marshall. Screaming is motivational tool. Like Christmas bonuses or sexual harassments. It's just good business.

• Ted Mosby : Gee, is that ice cream cone big enough?

  Robin Scherbatsky : Uhhh, it's delicious enough.

• Ted Mosby : [Telling Marshall what to do after crying in front of his boss]  Marshall, you go in and you dazzle this guy with a big, eloquent speech defending human dignity. Like Abraham Lincoln.

  Marshall Eriksen : Yeah, like it's so easy to bust out a big eloquent speech off the top of your head.

  Ted Mosby : [Clears throat]  Observe.

  [Flash to Ted as Marshall at his job] 

  Ted Mosby : Arthur.

  Arthur Hobbs : What do you want Marshall

  Ted Mosby : Justice, sir. See, we're all born with certain incontrovertible rights. The most fundamentally paramount of which is the right...

  [Cuts off] 

  Ted Mosby : Wait, you can't be fundamentally paramount. One means highest, one means lowest.

  Arthur Hobbs : You are nailing this.

  Ted Mosby : [Tries again]  Human beings have rights. And those rights are, um...

  Arthur Hobbs : You got me hooked, reel me in.

  Ted Mosby : There are certain justices that cannot, and will not be inalienable, as such... for the future!

• Marshall Eriksen : [Ted sells his car so Marshall and Lily can keep their apartment]  You sure about this?

  Ted Mosby : Yeah. Who needs a car in New York city anyway?

  Marshall Eriksen : Ted, I don't think I can accept...

  Ted Mosby : Marshall, don't make me scream at you.

  Marshall Eriksen : Thanks, buddy.

  Ted Mosby : You guys did it in the car, didn't you?

  Marshall Eriksen : Oh yeah.