Family Guy (TV Series)
The Former Life of Brian (2008)
Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Tom Tucker, Cowardly Lion, Monty Python Voiceover
Photos
Quotes
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Lois Griffin : I don't know, Brian. Raising a child is a very rewarding experience.
Peter Griffin : You know what else is rewarding, Lois? Shutting your vag.
Lois Griffin : What?
Peter Griffin : What?
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Stewie Griffin : How can you have a 13-year-old son when you're only 7?
Brian Griffin : Those are dog years.
Stewie Griffin : That doesn't make any sense.
Brian Griffin : You know what, Stewie? If you don't like it, go on the internet and complain.
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Stewie Griffin : [to Brian when he becomes a magician to impress a girl] You need more than that. You need an act. Listen, I'll be your assistant and we'll put on a whole big show.
Brian Griffin : Really?
Stewie Griffin : Yeah. We'll do all the great tricks. You can even split me in half.
Brian Griffin : What?
Stewie Griffin : Saw me in half.
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Tracy : Brian, this is Dylan. He's your son.
Stewie Griffin : Oh, no way! Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!
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Peter Griffin : Hey Brian, what would you do if Dylan was in a car wreck?
Brian Griffin : Oh my God. Oh my God. I don't even want to think about. No. Knock on wood. Knock on wood. Knock on wood.
Glen Quagmire : I can imagine that'd be pretty tough.
Brian Griffin : No, no, no Quagmire. Until you have a child. Until you have a child you can't possibly understand.
Joe Swanson : Listen Brian, there's a difference between being cautious and being over protective.
Brian Griffin : That is a dad talking. That is a dad talking Quagmire. You're right you can't hold your kids back. It's like I say, you have to give your child both roots and wings.
Cleveland : Brian, I want to punch you in the dick right now.
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Brian Griffin : [to Lois] Don't worry. I got it under control, Lois. I'm monitoring Dylan from here on Stewie's baby monitor.
[listens to conversation over monitor]
Stewie Griffin : Hey, Dylan? Hey, come on in here for a sec.
Dylan : Stewie, why are you nude?
Stewie Griffin : Oh, just a little something I do once a week around here called a "naked tea party." Got my teacup here and now all I need is a teabag. That something that interest you, my friend?
Dylan : You're weird.
Stewie Griffin : Yeah, and you're attractive. Now take your fucking pants off!
Dylan : I'm out of here.
Stewie Griffin : Huh, did you see that, Rupert? "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Seconds" starring Stewie Griffin, huh? Gee whiz.
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Dylan : Knock-knock.
Brian Griffin : Who's there?
Dylan : You're there.
Brian Griffin : I'll always be there, Dylan.
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Brian Griffin : Gosh, this is a... lovely home, Tracy.
Stewie Griffin : That's so weird. It smells like there's a cat, but I bet there's no cat.
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Tracy : There's someone I've wanted you to meet for years.
Stewie Griffin : By the look of those toenails, I bet it's that little Lamisil monster!