Dominic Jephcott: Det. Sgt. Hobson

Quotes 

• Chief Supt. Forrest : [Having summoned Det. Sgt. Hobson, who arrives, stands to attention and clicks his heels]  I wish you wouldn't do that, Hobson.

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : I'm afraid it's all part of my approach to police work, sir.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Just what do you imagine we are? Some kind of paramilitary organisation planning a coup d'etat? Now, come on, can you honestly see me as a Junta?

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : [Sincerely]  Yes, sir.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Really? Oh, I see. Well not before the weekend, eh? You realise this is another bollocking?

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : I was not aware of the nature of the interview, sir.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : You are now?

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : Yes, sir.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : What's all this about Big Al?

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : [Proudly]  I've 'fixed' him, sir!

  Chief Supt. Forrest : 'Fixed him'? What sort of language is that for a university graduate with first class honours?

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : [Smug]  I think that fairly describes what I did to him, sir. I've fixed him... on the basis of storing goods in the basement of a parish church, which is a breach of town planning regulations.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Town planning regulations? We're not in business to enforce the law...

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : [Interrupting, bewildered]  I was under the impression...

  Chief Supt. Forrest : [Interrupting]  Not that sort of law! We're about criminal law and robbing, killing, maiming - you must know the sort of thing? Not this - it's like nicking Rasputin for keeping rabbits in his council flat.

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : It's technically correct, for all that, sir.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Yeah but not much style about it, eh? Not one of your virile, manly offences, eh? Not exactly macho. Or am I just looking for another reason to persecute you again, Hobson?

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : It's hardly for me to say, sir.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Very well. I'll give you another reason why it was a stupid, ill-considered action on your part. The epitome of thickness, no less.

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : [Hurt]  Sir?

  Chief Supt. Forrest : [Half-whispering]  It's political.

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : Hardly, I would have thought.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Town planning. You start messing with that and you're into the environment, civil liberties and all that crap. A huge swamp that can drag all of us down without trace.

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : Really, sir?

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Correction: not all of us - just you, sunbeam, just you. That's all, Hobson. But stop trying to nick people, eh? Go somewhere and count things, control some traffic, protect some old ladies, fill your time with meaningless ritual... it works for me!

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : [Clicks his heels again]  Thank you, sir.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : And stop doing that - I can't cope with it!

• Jill Swinburne : [Performing introductions]  Sergeant Hobson, this is Helen of Tadcaster, my rival in love. And Mr Chaplin, whom you know.

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : Good evening. It's Mr Chaplin I want to see.

  Trevor Chaplin : [Humorously]  Here I am - take a good look!

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : [Serious]  It's rather more than that.

  Jill Swinburne : [to Trevor]  Take your shirt off, love!

• Trevor Chaplin : [about to be led away by Det. Sgt. Hobson, Jill proffers a pamphlet]  What's this?

  Jill Swinburne : Citizens' Guide. How to behave if you get busted. Civil liberties, all that kind of thing.

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : Of course, yes - you're into that kind of thing, aren't you?

  Jill Swinburne : Yes, right in it - and so will YOU be if you step one centimetre out of line!

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : Mr Chaplin, perhaps you'd just confirm with witnesses that you are coming with me voluntarily.

  Trevor Chaplin : [Jill and Helen of Tadcaster are competing for Trevor]  Might as well. Nothing on telly and if we talk, it turns into an argument over my body!

• Chief Supt. Forrest : [to Det. Sgt. Hobson, who is holding Trevor for the 'unaccountable' presence of a toothbrush in his flat]  Let him go!

  Trevor Chaplin : [to Chief Supt. Forrest as Hobson stands to attention and clicks his heels]  Am I supposed to do that?

  Chief Supt. Forrest : All you have to do is go home. You are Mr Trevor Chaplin?

  Trevor Chaplin : Yes... but I'm under arrest.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Your arrest is a figment of Sergeant Hobson's imagination, like many other things. You're a lucky lad: you've got friends with power and influence.

  Trevor Chaplin : No I haven't!... Have I...?

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Yeah. Whereas Sergeant Hobson...

  Trevor Chaplin : [Anticipating]  No friends with power and influence?

  Chief Supt. Forrest : That's right.

  Trevor Chaplin : Hard luck, Sergeant.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : [to Trevor while readying himself to mete out another berating upon Det. Sgt. Hobson]  Go home, son - unless you enjoy the sight of blood!

  Trevor Chaplin : [Exiting, a la Dixon of Dock Green]  'Night all!

  Chief Supt. Forrest : [to Hobson, regarding the mysterious toothbrush]  So you tried to fit him up?

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : Sir, I have grounds for suspec...

  Chief Supt. Forrest : [Interrupting]  I have told you the policy for fitting people up is only when I say so! Is that understood?

  Det. Sgt. Hobson : Understood.

  Chief Supt. Forrest : Ten o'clock Monday: see me for a proper bollocking!