Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Taterhead Is Our Love Child (2008)

Conchata Ferrell: Berta

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : You know, Charlie, even condoms are only 98% effective.

  Charlie Harper : That's not true!

  Berta : The hell it isn't!

  Alan Harper : Haven't you ever read the package?

  Charlie Harper : Who reads the package? It's not like a cereal box. You don't read it while you're eating.

  Berta : Yikes!

• Berta : What's going on?

  Alan Harper : Well, it would appear that the ol' sperminator here has fathered a child.

  Charlie Harper : I did not!

  Alan Harper : How can you be so sure?

  Charlie Harper : 'Cause I never play in the rain without a slicker and galoshes.

  Berta : I'm confused. Where do the galoshes go?

  Charlie Harper : It's just a figure of speech. Everything that needs to be covered is covered when, you know, covering is appropriate.

  Berta : I didn't ask for your life story. I was just confused about the galoshes.

• Alan Harper : Come on, Charlie, do the math. You haven't seen the woman in nine years and she's got an eight-year-old.

  Charlie Harper : So what? You showed up at my door with a ten-year-old and I hadn't seen you in eleven years. Does that mean taterhead is our love child?

  Alan Harper : All right, fine! Stay in denial! There's no way little Chuck is your son.

  Berta : Chuck?