- Philadelphia Soul Executive: So Mr. Reynolds, you're interested in buying our arena football team.
- Frank Reynolds: Big time! But I wanna do business with Mr. Von Joni himself.
- Philadelphia Soul Executive: Bon Jovi.
- Frank Reynolds: Yeah, Mr. Bovine Joni himself. I'm offering $40 million for the team.
- Philadelphia Soul Executive: Wow, well that is a very generous offer but, uh, I must admit I'm a little confused about one thing.
- Frank Reynolds: What's confusing about $40 million? That's a shitload of money.
- Philadelphia Soul Executive: It is, it is. I'm a little confused as to why you've chosen to involve this gentleman here.
- Mac: [in a wheelchair wearing a bald cap] Well, if I may, I'd like to explain to you why I'm here. Uh, ma'am, I am dying of very terminal cancer and I would like to request a private bedside concert from Mr. Bon Jovi. Now Sambora's presence is not necessary but it would be nice if he was involved. Question, is this a laser pointer?
- Philadelphia Soul Executive: Yes.
- Mac: Can I have it?
- Philadelphia Soul Executive: No.
- Mac: I'm gonna take it anyway.
- Frank Reynolds: I brought a nail gun.
- Dennis Reynolds: Is that what that is? You're not gonna shoot nails in me!
- Mac: No, I think a couple of severe burns from the cigar is what's gonna do the trick.
- Frank Reynolds: No, no, no, you need deep wounds. This'll give you deep wounds.
- ['70s music ringtone plays]
- Frank Reynolds: Hello?
- Dennis Reynolds: Frank, you gotta get me outta here, man!
- Frank Reynolds: Where are you?
- Dennis Reynolds: I'm in rehab, goddammit!
- Frank Reynolds: Well, I'm in a movie and this broad is about to get naked, so I gotta go.
- Frank Reynolds: You better not lose your hair 'cause you're an ugly bald man.
- Mac: Not as ugly as you, bitch!
- [Frank's fooling around with a laser pointer during a movie]
- Mac: Shine it on his dick, shine it on his dick!