- Mrs. Benson: Why is the counter wet and sticky?
- [Spencer stammers]
- Mrs. Benson: Wet and sticky is very icky. Sticky and wet makes mommy upset.
- Spencer Shay: I don't know how to respond to that.
- Carly Shay: [on Freddie's newfound freedom] I thought your mom always makes you wear a belt, and never let's you wear open-toed shoes.
- Freddie Benson: Yeah, but since she's been taking care of Lewbert I can pretty much do whatever I want. Last night, I slept with my socks on.
- Sam Puckett: So?
- Freddie Benson: *Just* my socks.
- [introducing their show]
- Carly Shay: Hey, if you're looking at your computer screen right now...
- Sam Puckett: ...and you see Carly and me...
- Carly Shay: Then congratulations...
- Sam Puckett: You're watching iCarly. However...
- Carly Shay: ...if you're looking into your toilet bowl right now...
- Sam Puckett: ...and you see a live monkey speaking Spanish...
- Carly Shay: You're hallucinating!
- [as Lewbert returns to work]
- Spencer Shay: ...and I wrote down all your phone messages in here, which I've organized into three piles; From your mother, Death threats, and Death threats from your mother.
- Mrs. Benson: [comforting Lewbert after he's injured] Aww, you poor thing. You look horrible.
- Sam Puckett: He looked horrible before the accident.