- Bark Multiverse: I realized the whole world could collapse in chaos and disaster and here's me, one of the richest people on the planet, in a position to actually do something about it. As soon as she finished speaking, I hit the phone, got my people to buy a mountain in New Zealand, had it hollowed out, and here we are. In my survival bunker.
- Director: Don't people call you selfish?
- Bark Multiverse: I don't know. It's soundproof.
- Gemma Nerrick: Totally put me off using hands whatsoever. So, I started doing absolutely everything with my elbows instead. And it was shortly after that my boyfriend left.
- Dash Bracket: Some of the doctors caught the virus early on and tried to raise the alarm. But blowing the whistle while you're on a ventilator? Ah.. That's a big ask.
- Tennyson Foss: I think to many Americans, Biden is Uncle Joe. He's been a part of their lives for centuries. As familiar as an old armchair and nearly as sharp-witted.
- Tennyson Foss: Polarization is the problem of our age. And not just in America, in the actual world too. Whether the debate is over Trump or Brexit or science or gender, God help us, or reality itself, no two factions can agree, or agree to disagree, or even agree that their disagreement might be disagreeable.
- Director: I'm not sure I totally agree.
- Tennyson Foss: Well, then why don't you fuck off?
- Tennyson Foss: The history books covering this period will have to be written in crayon... by a dog.
- Narrator: Throughout 2020, the gods of Silicon Valley stand accused of allowing their products to split the world into two warring factions.
- Bark Multiverse: Um.. Actually it's more like four warring factions. We prefer to call it a hate spectrum. That's the official term.
- Director: Right now it takes about six months' exposure to social media for the average person to become hopelessly radicalized.
- Bark Multiverse: I know right? We're hoping to get that down to five minutes.
- Jeanetta Grace Susan: The whole impeachment thing was baseless. So, the Democrats claim that Trump pressured Ukraine into digging up dirt on the Biden family, and their only real "evidence" of that is a transcript of him doing it.
- Director: So what did he say on the transcript?
- Jeanetta Grace Susan: What transcript?
- Director: You just mentioned a transcript.
- Jeanetta Grace Susan: Check your tape, I said no such thing.
- Pyrex Flask: It showed the possibility that the virus could pass from humans to icons which raised the possibility that it might one day infect God. And God is older than the universe, which puts him in a high-risk category
- Narrator: In a desperate bid for attention, the virus infects beloved Hollywood everyman and occasional CGI cowboy, Tom Hanks, providing news networks with an irresistible celebrity angle to the otherwise boring deadly pandemic.
- Tennyson Foss: Black Lives Matter. Well.. No reasonable person could disagree with that, but I would prefer to say "All lives matter."
- Director: I think the point is they're currently treated like the don't matter.
- Tennyson Foss: All lives? I don't think so.
- Director: No, Black lives.
- Tennyson Foss: Oh, those. I'm sorry, what about them?
- Director: Well, they matter.
- Tennyson Foss: More than all lives? Now, who's being a racist?
- Director: I didn't call you a racist.
- Tennyson Foss: You are. You are just about to label me a bigot, just like my daughter. And her friends, and my son, and his friends. And my wife. And her friends. And my friends. You can't say anything these days.
- Dash Bracket: [Referencing the Bernie/Biden candidacy election] This was a choice between two guys in their late seventies. It was like being stuck on the character selection screen in geriatric Tekken.
- Narrator: A full scale medical emergency is underway. Nonetheless, in the West, the average citizen is largely unconcerned.
- Gemma Nerrick: Yeah, I can't say I was fussed about any of that. Was that this year?
- Director: The pandemic? Yeah.
- Gemma Nerrick: How come you're talking to me about it?
- Director: You provide human color.
- Gemma Nerrick: Alright, even I know that's racist and I've not done an awareness course.
- Director: No, I mean you're an average person. We ran a computer search and you're one of the five most average people in the world.
- Gemma Nerrick: Oh. Thanks.
- Dr. Maggie Gravel: Human beings are social animals, so shutting down social interactions goes against our instinct. I mean, for most folks, not me. I fucking hate people. My god, it was bliss!
- Director: In March, the President aid the pandemic would simply "go away."
- Jeanetta Grace Susan: Okay, see...
- [sighs]
- Jeanetta Grace Susan: This is what the media does. You lie, fabricate, fantasize. The president never said that.
- Trump: [Recording on tablet] It will go away. Stay Calm. We want to protect our shipping industry.
- Jeanetta Grace Susan: [Handing tablet off] Okay, I know this doesn't fit with your agenda, but this never happened.
- Tennyson Foss: There was a real fear that at a time of national crisis. The Prime Minister might have to be replaced by someone less qualified than him. Which is impossible.
- Pyrex Flask: The hypothesis is a man had intercourse with a bat and got bat juice in his pee-pee hole, which festered and took hold. We have tried replicating this in the laboratory, but with limited success because the bat keeps flying away.
- Dash Bracket: Bernie offered radical change whereas Biden reminded folks of a more easygoing era when you could sniff a woman's hair without being called creepy.