BearCity (2010)

Joe Conti: Tyler

Quotes 

• Simon : [Tyler walked in on Simon dancing to Dance Dance Revolution]  Shit Tyler, you scared the hell out of me. Haven't you ever heard of knocking?

  Tyler : [laughing]  Oh God, you are officially whatever the PC term is for retarded.

  Simon : Hand me those shorts

  [Tyler tosses them to him] 

  Simon : Hey, it's my cardio, okay? Gym memberships cost a fortune in this city.

• Simon : [in line waiting to enter the bear run]  Grr.

  Tyler : What are you doing?

  Simon : Getting my bear on.

  Tyler : Simon, don't embarrass me.

• Tyler : Seriously, Brent, thank you, very much. It's really appreciated, I need this job.

  Brent : Oh, well, the job sucks. Don't worry about that. But the eye candy is compensation.

  Tyler : I'll say.

  [eyeing a redhaired leather bear] 

  Tyler : Hard candy by the looks of this.

  Brent : No, no, that's Robbie. We call her Ruby because of the slippers that will fall out of her mouth when she speaks.

  Drag Queen : Hey Luvah!

  Robbie : [effeminately]  Girl! Honey, you look fabulous! Do a little twirl, so I can take a look atcha!

  Tyler : Can I have a search party sent out for the hard on that I just lost?

• Simon : [Tyler and Simon hadn't seen each other for a bit]  Notice anything different?

  Tyler : You're now part of the rhythm nation?

  Simon : Hello! I lost five whole pounds? Thought I'd have you drooling by now.

  Tyler : Actually, gaining ten would probably put you in the right direction.

  Simon : What, you mean you want me to have a roll?

  Tyler : Twenty pounds.

  Simon : A muffin top?

  Tyler : Thirty.

  Simon : Are you suggesting... I mean, a whole belly?

  Tyler : Yeah. Throw in some hair on that belly and I think we're talking perfection.

  Simon : What happened to you? Were you dropped on your head as a child?

  Tyler : God, Simon, please don't ever change. Scratch that. Mature, but please don't ever change.

• Roger : If I think I'm an asshole, I imagine the feeling is mutual.

  Tyler : When are you going to stop caring about what other people think?

  Roger : Kid, what other people think is all I see.

  Tyler : Then close your eyes for once.

• Simon : [after trying Randy's "dirty jock" shot]  What the hell was that?

  Brent : Awful.

  Fred : That was Randy's dirty jock.

  Tyler : Yeah, tastes like it.

  Randy : Fuck you bitches. Die of thirst!

• Roger : [after Simon interrupts them at a tender moment]  Please tell me you know this child.

  Tyler : No, I can't say that I do. Feel free to kill him.