BearCity (2010)

Alex Di Dio: Simon

Quotes 

• Simon : [Tyler walked in on Simon dancing to Dance Dance Revolution]  Shit Tyler, you scared the hell out of me. Haven't you ever heard of knocking?

  Tyler : [laughing]  Oh God, you are officially whatever the PC term is for retarded.

  Simon : Hand me those shorts

  [Tyler tosses them to him] 

  Simon : Hey, it's my cardio, okay? Gym memberships cost a fortune in this city.

• Simon : [in line waiting to enter the bear run]  Grr.

  Tyler : What are you doing?

  Simon : Getting my bear on.

  Tyler : Simon, don't embarrass me.

• Simon : [Tyler and Simon hadn't seen each other for a bit]  Notice anything different?

  Tyler : You're now part of the rhythm nation?

  Simon : Hello! I lost five whole pounds? Thought I'd have you drooling by now.

  Tyler : Actually, gaining ten would probably put you in the right direction.

  Simon : What, you mean you want me to have a roll?

  Tyler : Twenty pounds.

  Simon : A muffin top?

  Tyler : Thirty.

  Simon : Are you suggesting... I mean, a whole belly?

  Tyler : Yeah. Throw in some hair on that belly and I think we're talking perfection.

  Simon : What happened to you? Were you dropped on your head as a child?

  Tyler : God, Simon, please don't ever change. Scratch that. Mature, but please don't ever change.

• Simon : [after trying Randy's "dirty jock" shot]  What the hell was that?

  Brent : Awful.

  Fred : That was Randy's dirty jock.

  Tyler : Yeah, tastes like it.

  Randy : Fuck you bitches. Die of thirst!