- Hank Mendel: Hell, I wasn't even gonna call you out here, but Binky insisted.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Binky?
- Hank Mendel: Oh, you don't call him Binky?
- Shawn Spencer: [laughing] We do now.
- Hank Mendel: [Gus pulls out his cell phone] Oh, those things don't work out here. We got no t.v.s, no radio, no refrigerators.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Sounds like prison, except they have all those things.
- Shawn Spencer: Wood thieves. My first instinct is beavers, but I'm not willing to rule out those pesky Keebler elves. What else you got?
- Shawn Spencer: I think I'm starting to get why Lassie loves this place so much. It represents a simpler time, when people weren't so preoccupied with the distractions of modern life.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Like living past age forty?
- Shawn Spencer: Right, you be your cynical self. I'm just saying, technology is way overrated.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: That's interesting. Just yesterday you told me you intend on having your wedding in space.
- Shawn Spencer: And that hasn't changed. I'm just saying I think the past is also worth preserving.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: Yeah, well your people have a much more affectionate memory of this period of history than my people do.
- Shawn Spencer: What are you talking about? We saw Posse together, in theaters.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: [In the back of Lassiter's car] He's going to kill us.
- Shawn Spencer: What?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: He hasn't said a word the whole time he's been driving. Face it, Shawn, he's finally snapped.
- Shawn Spencer: He asked us for a favor, that's all. We can leave any time we want. Case in point
- [tries his window button and nothing happens. Gus does the same and nothing happens]
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: This is all your fault. You and all your practical jokes you play on him.
- Shawn Spencer: Those were team building exercises, to build camaraderie.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: How do you build camaraderie by changing his bank account numbers?
- Carlton Lassiter: [Hearing Shawn and Gus trying to get the window buttons to work] What the hell is going on back there?
- Shawn Spencer: Look, Lassie, I know I've been a tad annoying in the past, but shooting Gus and disposing of his body is the aquifer is not the answer.
- Carlton Lassiter: Don't be ridiculous. I'm not gonna shoot anyone.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: He didn't say anything about knifing anybody.
- Shawn Spencer: Do you really need that clarification?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: It would be nice, yes.
- Shawn Spencer: So what's with all the secrecy, you handsome, pasty devil?
- Shawn Spencer: Thank you, Sheriff. I'm sure you've heard about what I do and how cool it is. You've now seen my hair, which means you're doubly impressed, but let's not get wrapped up in gushy compliments, I get a little self-conscious.
- Shawn Spencer: I think I broke my back! And my neck! And my arm!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: That's nothing! I just bruised my coccyx!
- Shawn Spencer: Say what?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: You know what I mean! When I get home, I'm gonna have to rub oil on my coccyx.
- Shawn Spencer: Gus, please! That's disgusting!
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: What? A deep tissue massage is exactly what my coccyx needs!
- Shawn Spencer: Will you stop saying that word?
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: A coccyx is what it's called, Shawn!
- Hank Mendel: [Hank has a leg wound] Gus, just bite down on my big toe to make me forget about the pain in my leg.
- Burton 'Gus' Guster: I'm not biting down on your toe.
- Carlton Lassiter: Damn it, Guster, when a man asks you to bite his toe, you bite his toe.
- Hank Mendel: You do it.
- Carlton Lassiter: I don't believe this. I send you two out there to find out what the heck's going on and you get Sheriff Hank run over by horses?
- Shawn Spencer: Look, Lassie, first of all, I don't even know how to get someone run over and while we're assigning blame, the horses shouldn't get off scot-free.