Son of a Seahorse (2009 Video)

David Schonscheck: Nick Kilpatrick

Quotes 

• Nick Kilpatrick : I wake up next to you, I want to shoot myself in the head. Twice!

• Nick Kilpatrick : I'm not yelling, I've never yelled at you, I would never yell at you, and I'm not angry!

  Madison Kilpatrick : Well, you're not using your indoor voice.

• Nick Kilpatrick : Well, I was reading the book, and the gentlemen in the book said that I should be myself.

  Madison Kilpatrick : Yes, but he wasn't specifically talking about you.

• Nick Kilpatrick : Let's do it, baby! Let's get a divorce-o-rino!

  Madison Kilpatrick : You don't mean it. You sound less serious than I did.

  Nick Kilpatrick : Oh, I am. I am. I'm just ecstatic, that's all! I'm a swinger, I can swing again! I can get drunk, go to strip clubs. I can suck on a different pair of tits every night! Do you know there are few things in this word more wonderful than having more tits to hold than hands to hold them with? I can get drunk, and play my Sega Genesis. Not having you nag at me! And not having to look at your grotesque body: I've seen less back hair on a sheep, and your twat smells like you've been gang-banged by Pepe Le Pew! And I can get drunk!

  Madison Kilpatrick : One, I don't have any back hair. Two, they shear sheep naked. Three, Pepe Le Pew is singular. And four, five, and six: you don't drink!