Peep Show (TV Series)

Jeremy in Love (2009)

Robert Webb: Jeremy Usborne

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mark Corrigan : Jez, mate, big problem.

  Jeremy Usborne : Balls again?

  Mark Corrigan : No, not my balls. Dobby's taken back her boss's laptop and I don't think I cleaned off the... that porn you recommended.

  Jeremy Usborne : I didn't recommend it. I'm not Time Out.

  Mark Corrigan : Yes, you did, you gave it five stars.

  Jeremy Usborne : And you didn't wipe it?

  Mark Corrigan : I don't remember. I might have.

  Jeremy Usborne : Always wipe, Mark. "Discharge your pipe, then have a wipe." That's the rhyme.

  Mark Corrigan : Anyway if I was wondering if, if you could say, if Dobby does find it, that it was you who was looking at the porn?

  Jeremy Usborne : No.

  Mark Corrigan : Oh come on, Jez. It's going really well again with Dobby, I don't need this, and Christ, if Jan finds out, I'm dead, tidy hair or no tidy hair. I just want you to... take a wank bullet for me.

  Jeremy Usborne : I don't want to take another wank bullet. What am I, some kind of wank shield?

  Mark Corrigan : Oh, right. I see. So you'll take a wank bullet for Elena but you won't for me. Ten minutes with her is worth more than ten years with me. Well, I think we can count our friendship pretty much over from now on.

• Jeremy Usborne : Elena is my one true soulmate.

  Mark Corrigan : It's remarkable, isn't it, that out of the 3 billion adult women in the world, your one true soulmate happens conveniently to live in the same block of flats as you, rather than, say, in a village in Mozambique?

• Jeremy Usborne : Oh, don't be a cock.

  Mark Corrigan : I'm not a cock. But the cock has certainly crowed. Thrice.

  Jeremy Usborne : When? What are you talking about?

  Mark Corrigan : It means you've betrayed... it's the New Testament. You cock.