How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Robin 101 (2009)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ted Mosby : Barney! Do you have a problem with this class?

  Barney Stinson : Yeah. It's boring as hell and I'm not learning anything.

  Ted Mosby : Uh, maybe the problem is your attitude. You're not listening to a word I say.

  Barney Stinson : Uh-huh. Can you hear this, professor?

  [gives a thumbs down] 

  Barney Stinson : Or should I turn it up for you?

  [turns it up] 

  Narrator : [voice over]  It may not have been a thumbs up, kids.

  Ted Mosby : So you think you're not learning anything, huh? Okay. Pop quiz. When Robin's PMS-ing, what kind of chocolate should you get her?

  Barney Stinson : Trick question. Get her butterscotch.

  Ted Mosby : Correct. Why?

  Barney Stinson : Butterscotch is to Canadian women what chocolate is to American women.

  Ted Mosby : Correct. What is Robin's dream job?

  Barney Stinson : To become the most successful female TV reporter of all time.

  Ted Mosby : Correct. And if she achieves that, will she truly be happy?

  Barney Stinson : No. Robin's deep-seeded need for attention can be traced back to her father's emotional distance. And no amount of success will ever make up for what she truly needs, which is six simple words from her dad: "Robin, I'm proud of you, eh?"

  Ted Mosby : YES! But I guess you're right. You haven't learned anything. Sorry to have wasted your time.

  [Ted walks towards the exit. When he reaches the door, Barney stands on a chair] 

  Barney Stinson : Oh, Captain, my Captain.

  [Ted turns to Barney again] 

  Ted Mosby : [pauses]  How good was Dead Poets Society?

  Barney Stinson : I know, right? The end? Tears.

• Barney Stinson : I can't believe I'm taking sex advice from Ted Mosby. It's like taking fashion advice from, well, Ted Mosby.

• Ted Mosby : Be more attentive to where she is emotionally. Be present.

  Barney Stinson : Yes, totally. Only thing, and this is just me, I like my testicles attached to my body, rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson out!

• Ted Mosby : "How To Date Robin Scherbatsky." Lesson one. Now, even though she puts up a tough exterior, what Robin really wants, deep down...

  Barney Stinson : I'm bored.

  Ted Mosby : You said you wanted my help.

  Barney Stinson : Can we draw boobs on the chalkboard?

  Ted Mosby : We did that ready.

  Barney Stinson : No, like, really big boobs.

  Ted Mosby : No. Look, I need this, too. I've only been a professor a few weeks. Being up here, it's, it's good practice for me.

  Barney Stinson : Can we have class outside?

  Ted Mosby : No! What Robin really wants deep down...

  [Cellphone goes off] 

  Ted Mosby : Barney!

  Barney Stinson : What? I'm tweeting about you. You should be flattered. How do you spell blah-blah-blah- "H's" or no?

  Ted Mosby : Wow, you were just, like, the worst student in the world, weren't you?

  Barney Stinson : They said I had A-D... something. Can we have class outside?

  Ted Mosby : Barney, I'm only gonna say this once, so listen up. I love you and I love Robin. And I want to make this work. So if you give me a few weeks of attention, I could give you a lifetime of happiness. Can you do that for me?

  Barney Stinson : Do you think I should get Sports Illustrated for 70% off the cover price? Can we have class outside?

• Ted Mosby : But the most important expression of all...

  [shows picture of a very angry Robin] 

  Barney Stinson : Whoa...

  Ted Mosby : Flared nostril ridges, wide unblinking eyes. If you ever, ever, see this face, Barney, run. And don't take a picture of it, she will punch you... and you will cry... for the third time... that night

• Ted Mosby : For starters, don't ever cry in front of her.

  Barney Stinson : Okay?

  Ted Mosby : And whatever you do... don't cry in front of her four times.