Andrew Birchenough: Chief Inspector

Quotes 

• Chief Inspector : Do you think the stress of completing the scavenger hunt may have killed this Swedish backpacker?

  Coroner : I thought so, but it seems that this dame was done in by this honey-glazed ham.

  Chief Inspector : By the golden talons of Horus!

• Chief Inspector : Do you mean to say that she ingested this ham rectally?

• Chief Inspector : It's called a food teleporter. Invented by Prof. Okembje, it can teleport food anywhere in the world, usually to the tummy.

  Sarah : Why would you want to do that?

  Roy : Why would you not do that? You know those people starving in China? Not anymore!

• Chief Inspector : And the next time I want your opinion, I'll sexually harass it out of you.

• Roy : So why waste our time with this exposition when we have this unsolved ham death?

  Chief Inspector : Well excuse me for trying to keep you illiterate mooks updated on current affairs.

• Coroner : Judging from my autopsy, the killer and or killers need to have access to the following items: a food teleporter and food. The main ingredient in this murder weapon is aged cheddar cheese.

  Chief Inspector : Aged cheddar cheese can only come from one place in the entire Earth: Wisconsin, USA! Roy, scramble a team to Wisconsin, STAT!

  Roy : What part of Wisconsin?

  Chief Inspector : All of it!

• Chief Inspector : The jig is up, Professor! The only place you'll be teleporting food to now is to the electric chair... for your last meal!

• Professor Okembje : Foolish morons! I shall teleport myself to a place where your laws have no meaning: the barren reaches of outer space!

  Chief Inspector : But that's just out of our jurisdiction!

  Professor Okembje : Sayonara suckers!