Psych (TV Series)

Thrill Seekers and Hell Raisers (2010)

Dulé Hill: Burton Guster

Quotes 

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : People say our intense love of bunnies is creepy at our age, but history will prove them to be heartless bastards.

  Shawn Spencer : I can't believe the French actually eat these little guys.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : The French aren't the only ones.

  Shawn Spencer : What? No, I wasn't counting other rabbits.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Rabbits don't eat each other, Shawn!

  Shawn Spencer : Most rabbits, yes.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : No, pretty much all. You know what? This conversation will only end badly.

• Shawn Spencer : You know you can say anything to me, Gus. We've known each other forever and there's absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I have a secret girlfriend.

  Shawn Spencer : You're dead to me.

• Shawn Spencer : Dude, this is me. I am your partner and your best friend and we are not supposed to keep secrets from each other.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : I know Shawn, but it's complicated.

  Shawn Spencer : No, math is complicated. The show 'It's Complicated' was complicated. The song 'Complicated' by Avril Lavigne... ironically not, not very complicated and you know what? Neither is this.

• Shawn Spencer : Please. You're so distracted by Ruby and her boobs and your lies and the heavy petting that you probably don't even remember who Jason *is*!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : You mean Stu, Shawn.

  Shawn Spencer : *Or* who he kidnapped.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : He didn't kidnap anyone, he disappeared.

  Shawn Spencer : That's right. Right off the top of a building in Vancouver.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : That was an art thief who didn't actually steal anything.

  Shawn Spencer : And then fell down a mine shaft.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : That was us!

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : You've never read the Bible, have you?

  Shawn Spencer : [counting on his fingers]  Genesis, Exorcist, Leviathan, Dooo-the-right-thing.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : You can't re-review something, Shawn, it's redundant. Like re-repeat or re-reflect.

  Shawn Spencer : You can if you've already peated and flected twice.

• Shawn Spencer : Jules. Would you tell Gus it's normal for friends to discuss when they'd like to be eaten in the event of a tragic "Alive"-esque scenario?

  Juliet O'Hara : Ew!

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : *Thank* you.

  Carlton Lassiter : Believe it or not, I'm with Spencer on this one. I would eat the three of you in the following order: O'Hara, Guster, then Spencer. I've also made a list of whose organs I'd prefer in the event I need a transplant, and, I've planned for the contingency where I'm the last man on earth and I need to choose one person from the department with whom to procreate.

  [Everyone walks away] 

  Carlton Lassiter : Well don't worry, none of you made the list!

• Shawn Spencer : Man, she likes to almost die, and so do her friends! It's like we walked into 'Final Destination.'

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shawn, we walked out of 'Final Destination.'

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : There was so much water pummeling our face, we couldn't see anything.

  Shawn Spencer : Mostly consisting of Gus' tears.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : You can't prove that.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : Stop it, Shawn.

  Shawn Spencer : Stop what?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : You know what.

  Shawn Spencer : That?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Yes, that.

  Shawn Spencer : I only did *that* because you said stop doing *this*, if I stop doing *that*, then what?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Stop stopping it, Shawn.

• Shawn Spencer : How do you know this chick isn't just trying to take you to the cleaners?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Well one, all my cash is tied up in dress shirts and decorative pillowcases.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : What are you doing? Pick that bunny back up!

  Shawn Spencer : I will not be easily swayed or impressed by the effects of an intense adorability high.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : I don't need you to tell me whether a woman is right for me.

  Shawn Spencer : You sure about that?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Almost. 90 percent.

  Shawn Spencer : Dude.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Fine, 81 percent.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : Are you sure these outfits are waterproof?

  Shawn Spencer : Gus, you barely get wet, I've done this hundreds of times.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : 'It's a Small World' doesn't count, Shawn.

  Shawn Spencer : Alright, fine, Mr. Qualifier.

• Shawn Spencer : Correction, *I* have to tell the police. You have to crawl back under your keeping-secrets-from-your-best-friend rock and apply for permanent residency...

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shawn...

  Shawn Spencer : -where you can vote, and pay your taxes, and make little back-stabbing rock babies.

• Shawn Spencer : I guess all that's left now is for me to meet her friends.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : You mean for ME to meet her friends.

  Shawn Spencer : No, I'm pretty sure I had it right the first time.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : I can't believe we're crashing their picnic.

  Shawn Spencer : You asked me to vet this woman.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : No I didn't.

  Shawn Spencer : Regardless, when I vet someone, I vet until there's no vetting left to vet. That is how I vet, Gus.

• Shawn Spencer : No, we thought you guys were having a picnic, you know, 'cause it's lunchtime.

  Stu Crawford : It's 3 o'clock in the afternoon!

  Shawn Spencer : Let me explain. Uh, lunch for us starts 10 minutes after breakfast ends, goes till 10 minutes before dinner starts, unless we just combine the two, in which case we have linner.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : And then there's desinner, which is dessert and dinner.

• Burton 'Gus' Guster : I have something in my eye, Shawn.

  Shawn Spencer : Here, what is it?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : [Waving Shawn away]  Monkey brush.

  Shawn Spencer : I've never heard of that.

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Okay, so now you're going to tell me monkey brush doesn't even exist?

  Shawn Spencer : Gus, don't be the new Meshach Taylor.

• Shawn Spencer : When was I ever going to hook up with Jessica?

  Burton 'Gus' Guster : Shawn, please. You know honey was fly.