How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)

Last Cigarette Ever (2009)

Neil Patrick Harris: Barney Stinson

Quotes 

• Barney Stinson : I only smoke on certain occasions: post-coital, when I'm with Germans - sometimes the two overlap - coital, that time of year the Mets are mathematically eliminated, pre-coital, and - wait for it, 'cause I sure have - pregnancy scares.

  Ted Mosby : Why are you smoking now?

  Barney Stinson : I'm always pre-coital, Ted.

• Barney Stinson : Remember when we could smoke inside bars?

  [Flashback: the bar is so full of smoke it's hard to see anything] 

  Ted Mosby : I think that woman over there is looking at me.

  Barney Stinson : That's a chair, but go ahead, hit that.

  Marshall Eriksen : [Unseen]  Hey guys? Where are you? Marco!

  Ted Mosby , Barney Stinson : Polo!

• Barney Stinson : [while smoking]  I'm proud of you guys! I have heard how difficult it is for smokers like yourself to quit, and on behalf of non-smokers everywhere, I salute you, and I am here to help. So hand in your cigarettes, and I will get rid of them one at a time.

  Lily's Smoking Voice : Hand them over, dollface. I don't usually call you dollface, but in this voice it kind of works. Dollface.

• Marshall Eriksen : He fired what's his face, Ted! And what's his face was invaluable!

  Ted Mosby : Look I can understand you getting upset, but it's not worth killing yourself over.

  Barney Stinson : Yeah, wait till you get laid off then kill yourself, like what's his face. Although, I guess now it's more like... where's his face...