- Wile E. Coyote: And then, all of a sudden, it hit me. I knew who I wanted to be. And I untied myself from that catapult and here I am.
- Coyote: Well, that is such a relief.
- Wile E. Coyote: I know, I know. So, if you have about forty five minutes, I would like to talk about the Lord, Jesus Christ.
- Coyote: Aw, shit.
- Road Runner: Meep, meep!
- [Road Runner comes running down the road. Wile E. Coyote lifts a giant rock with a rope. The rope breaks and the rock falls. Road Runner runs past Wile E., sticks his tongue out at him, and then is crushed and killed by the rock]
- Wile E. Coyote: Holy shit! I did it! He's under there! I got him. I fucking got him!
- [Removes boulder]
- Wile E. Coyote: Jesus, I'm going to need a shovel.
- [Wile E. Coyote is eating the Road Runner at a dinner table with his friend who is also a coyote]
- Wile E. Coyote: Oh, this is delicious! I mean... You know, it's like when you work for your meal, when you really work for it, it tastes that much better, you know.
- Coyote: So, what are you going to do now?
- Wile E. Coyote: Oh. I never really thought about it. I've been chasing this damn bird for twenty years, and I'm not really trained for anything else. I guess I kind of let my life get away from me.
- Coyote: Well, I'm sure something will turn up.
- [Wile E. Coyote is serving as a waiter at a restaurant]
- Wile E. Coyote: Okay, that's a pastrami on rye, pasta salad, two Diet Cokes...
- Customer: No, no, no, it was one Coke and one Diet Coke.
- Wile E. Coyote: Oh God, I'm sorry.
- Customer: Well, we've been waiting an hour.
- Wile E. Coyote: I know. I'm sorry.
- Customer: What the hell kind of place is this?
- Wile E. Coyote: [Wile E. gets pissed off and throws the tray of food and drinks on the ground while shouting] I'M SORRY, GOD DAMN IT, I'M SORRY! ALRIGHT! I'm just having some... fucking identity issues right now and I... I can't think straight! Just get off my back, because you don't know what it's like!
- Boss: Wile E., you're fired!