American Dad! (TV Series)

An Incident at Owl Creek (2010)

Seth MacFarlane: Stan Smith, Roger the Alien

Photos 

Quotes 

• Stan Smith : Someone's true value is determined through the eyes of others. That's in Genesis. Their first album, I think.

• Stan Smith : Their laughter can't hurt me if I don't let it, extended fantasy sequence Obama helped me realize that

  [He walk into his house, everyone's laughing at him, Stan writes Barack Obama in a book, he closes it to reveal the cover People who gave me bad advice in my extended fantasies] 

• Hayley Smith : Can't we just go home?

  Stan Smith : If you can go back in time, have you smoked that much weed Hayley? If you see me back there, tell me don't jump in the pool! Don't jump in the pool!

• Stan Smith : You had to remember

  Mercyville resident : Come on, you're not gonna kill me just cause I know your secret

  [Stan enters the Smith's new house with his shirt covered in blood] 

  Stan Smith : So this place isn't working out

• Stan Smith : [to Hayley about her swimsuit]  You are not wearing that to Buckle and Sharri's pool party. You look like you should be holding up round cards at a dogfight in Fresno.

• Stan Smith : [After he comes out from under the sink]  No, no, Frank, you can stay in there

  Francine Smith : Hi Frank

• Hayley Smith : [to Stan about her swimsuit]  Dad, I'm sweating like a pig in this thing. It's humiliating.

  Stan Smith : Not to me. And show some respect. Your grandmother drowned in that bathing suit.

• Stan Smith : [while telling a joke]  What are the three rings of marriage? The first one's the engagement ring, the second one's the wedding ring and the third one? The "suffer"-ring.

  [everyone laughs] 

  Roger the Alien : Stan, that's not a good joke 'cause it's not racist.

• Hayley Smith : [after Stan poops in Buckle and Sharri's pool]  I was in the pool when he did it. I was at Ground Zero.

  Roger the Alien : Hayley, it's not okay to use that term. I was actually at Ground Zero. I was the first one on the scene selling erotic T-shirts: "Osama Bin Sexy," "Sexy Bin Laden" and "Yo Mama Bin Farting." That last one was not erotic to everybody.

• Roger the Alien : [about the new town the Smiths will be living in]  Let's just hope it has what every other small town in America has: Cheap and plentiful methamphetamines.

• Stan Smith : [to his family]  We can be together again! I've got a plan.

  Roger the Alien : Does that plan include explaining why a footless blind man is giving an expert bajowski to our baggage handler?

  [looks outside the window] 

  Roger the Alien : Admire the skills!

• Roger the Alien : I don't know. Obama may be black, but I bet he keeps his butt clenched like he's white. That's from my stand-up routine. Check it out. You ever notice when a black man poops in the pool, he's like, "Yo, check it," but then when a white guy poops in a pool, he's all, "Oh, my. I'm defecating in the swimming receptacle."

• Roger the Alien : White mission control be all, "Uh, we are clear to initiate landing sequence for space shuttle Atlantis," but black mission control be all, "Get out of the way. Here comes the shuttle!"

• Roger the Alien : Inserting laxative into hot dog "A." Inserting hot dog "B" into my "A."

• Stan Smith : Mr. President, I'm sorry. I just thought if you fudged in the pool, maybe people would stop laughing at me.

  Barack Obama : Oh, man. You can't worry about what other people think of you. Do you know how mad the black community gets at me because I don't smoke menthols?